


Love The Way You Lie

by orenjikitty



Category: Overwatch (Video Game)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Military, Drama, Established MercyMaker, Eventual Character Death, Eventual Pharmercy, F/F, Heavy Angst, Implied/Referenced Cheating, Mutual Pining, Tragedy, implied sex
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-09-09
Updated: 2016-12-14
Packaged: 2018-08-14 00:48:06
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 11
Words: 32,201
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7992427
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orenjikitty/pseuds/orenjikitty
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Being a doctor is hard. Being the girlfriend of said doctor is harder. Having an unrequited love for that doctor, knowing she's already taken, is the hardest.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Blissfully Unawares

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks to hyogoko for this. They provided what would become the basis of this fic, and has been my partner in crime in this. All chapters will have their own warnings so read with caution.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> On the first page of our story, The future seemed so bright

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Translations at the bottom. Sorry if I mess them up.

Angela sighed as she exited the cab, bidding the bored looking cabbie a good rest of the night. She over tipped, for sure, but the man did blow through numerous stop signs on her behalf. The streets of Geneva were quiet, faint sounds of crickets in the garden the only thing filling the night air. The hour was late, that much she knew. She slept most of the way here, not really caring for the time.

Home at last, she thought, pulling her suitcase up the staircase as she tried to fish out her keys from her jacket. Months spent in a camp out at the Cote D’Ivoire had taken its toll, making her long for the comforts of home. Finding her keys, she turned the door, seeing bright eyes shine at her as she entered. “Bonsoir, Seba,” she whispered to the cat approaching. Sebastien purred, rubbing his head around her leg as she took off her shoes and jacket. Deciding to leave her suitcase packed for now, she made her way noiselessly to the bedroom, hoping not to wake up her sleeping lover.

Soft moonlight came in through the cracks of the curtains, shining enough light in the otherwise dark bedroom. Angela could make out Amélie sleeping contently, always facing towards the wall when she slept. Angela smiled, going to the bathroom first before joining her in the bedroom. She slipped into the bed, kissing Amélie’s bare shoulder as she wrapped her arms around her, letting the smells of home lull her to a dreamless sleep.

Amélie woke with a pleasant weight around her waist. She looked down to see an arm draped over her, familiar blonde locks filling her periphery.  Amélie smiled, backing herself into the sleeping doctor’s arms. She felt the woman behind her groan, burying her face into her own hair making her laugh. “You’ll suffocate yourself in there, _mon ange_.”

“At least I will die a happy death,” Angela replied, voice hoarse from disuse.

“So dramatic for so early in the day,” Amélie commented, turning around to face Angela’s blue eyes. “I missed you,” she said moving stray locks away from Angela’s face.

“Me too,” Angela whispered, linking their hands together, bringing them up for her to kiss. “Not too much I hope.”

Amélie chuckled, allowing herself to be pulled into the doctor’s embrace. She knew the persistent struggle Angela and their organization really, had to face. She was one of the ‘lucky’ ones; hired to be a translator, spending most of her time in the office surrounded in safety of Geneva.

Angela, on the other hand, was another story. Idealistic as when she first met her, Dr. Angela Ziegler was never home for more than a month, sometimes even shorter. The doctor had and continued to devote her life to the people, joining MSF as soon as she got her doctorate in pediatrics.  She was on the field consistently, never at one place for more than a couple of months before being shipped to another location in the world.

Amélie missed that, though she rarely joined the field mission teams now that she was the head of the translation department. She longed for the field, missing her work in the Congo and Madagascar but she knew she did more help by making sure everything was operating smoothly for the team. She buried herself into Angela’s shoulder, kissing the pulse point there. She could feel the doctor’s breath hitch, the arm around her now firmly on her hip, toying with the band of her underwear.

“Missed you enough to take the day off,” she replied, her own hands tracing patterns on Angela’s hips.

Angela chuckled, hand moving to tilt Amélie’s gaze up to her. “And what do you plan on doing on this day off, _Schäri_?”

Amélie felt herself smirk, hand cupping Angela’s butt as she gave it as rough squeeze. “Why don’t I show you…”

* * *

Amélie woke with a snarl, Angela groaning beside her as the phone continued to ring. “Whoever that is, I’m going to murder them,” she said as Angela reached over her to answer.

“Dr. Ziegler speaking,” Angela said, sitting upright on her. Amélie smirked, eyes roving Angela’s naked form. The marks she had left were still red, some of them bruising. “Yes, Captain. No, I should be able to come in.” Amélie glared at that, Angela mouthing sorry as she got off her. “Yes. Yes, sure. I’ll be there in about an hour. Alright. Bye.”

Amélie sighed, pushing herself up from the bed. “That should be illegal. You just got back.”

“It’s just debrief. We got in at 3 am, no one really wanted to stay,” Angela said, giving her a quick kiss. “Join me in the shower?”

Amélie smiled but shook her head. “If I do, you’d be late.” Angela laughed, grabbing a change of clothes before heading in.

Amelie frowned, picking up her own clothes to put them on. Tying her hair back into its signature ponytail, she waited for the water to come on before lifting the mattress. The box remained safely between where the slits, bag still covering it. She took it out, inspecting the ring once again. 6 months she’s had it. 6 long months of not knowing if Angela would be coming back to her in one piece or in a body bag, like some of their colleagues.

 _Soon_ , she promised herself. Soon she’ll ask her to be her wife. Even if they would have to go to another country to have the ceremony, the thought of Angela being her wife, wearing matching rings, made her smile.

* * *

Fareeha laughed, kicking the ball back towards the waving children. She waved, readjusting her blue helmet as her hand came down. Another day, another surprisingly peaceful time in Haiti.

She made her way back to the barracks, many of the soldiers giving her a curt nod as they passed her for their rotation. It was times like these that reminded her why she served. Why, instead of following her mother’s footsteps into the Egyptian Army or her father’s into the world of business, she chose the UN Peacekeepers instead. Actually help in places of need, instead of serving a wannabe tyrant at his beck and call.

She saluted the passing American colonel, finding her way to the prayer tent. Setting aside her weapon, she knelt down, facing east and prayed; Prayed for the children down the road, playing their game of football, the rest of the soldier in her company, the medics who’ve saved her and helped her save countless of lives, the many men and women she’s met during her numerous tours, hoping they are all safe.

Opening her eyes, she let out a deep breath, pushing herself up before picking up her weapon again. The night was lively, many of the men she was stationed with celebrating with some local booze as the Christmas season drew closer. Most were to leave back for their respective countries. Others were just happy that they haven’t had an incident in weeks.

The moon was hiding behind the clouds. Sounds of laughter from the other tents, making her smile. “Hey Fareeha! Come join us!” Lucio said, waving her down. “I know you don’t drink but we got _Fresco_ and fresh fruit as a gift from Roseline and Josué.”

“Let me change, then I’ll join you,” she said, running the rest of the way to the tents.

The night was young, and the air was chilly but for now, Fareeha allowed herself to be happy. It was almost Christmas after all.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Translations:
> 
> \- mon ange - my angel  
> \- MSF - Médecins Sans Frontières / Doctors Without Borders  
> \- Schäri - dear (Swiss German version from French ‘cherie’)  
> \- Fresco - Fresco is similar to an Italian ice, however it consists primarily of fruit syrup according to Wikipedia


	2. Rule by Secrecy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Then this thing turned out so evil, I don’t know why I’m still surprised

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter specific warning: character death and implied cheating.

Fareeha stopped, scanning the area around her. Merchants called out to sell their wares, fruit sellers swatting away flies from their ripening fruit. The honks of cars and trucks drowned out most of the other noise, making it hard for her to concentrate. 

She spotted the others; Hana, a South Korean recruit, stood on the other side of the street with Hanzo, one of the Japanese lieutenants currently assigned to her squad. She knew that somewhere on the street was the MSF team, handing out some presents and treating those who were unfortunately sick this season.

She spotted a familiar tall figure, making her smile. “Captain,” Aizad greeted, bowing his head down slightly. “Anything today?” Fareeha shook her head, watching Lúcio out of the corner of her eye.

The boy was young, too young, if she was asked, but she had to remember he was already a doctor or at least in training to be. With Zenyatta out with a leg injury, Lúcio had taken most of the slack that was left for his team. He took the extra load with a smile though, Fareeha not remembering the last time she’s seen him frown or grumble. He was in school, that much she knew from their brief conversations, to be a paediatrician, much like another doctor she knew. He had a good heart, and a good soul but he was too naïve at times.

“Captain?” Aizad asked, making her blink owlishly at him.

“Sorry, was just watching the medics,” she admitted, looking back and not noticing the Brazilian doctor anymore. Aizad looked around too, his taller frame enabling him to scan above the people’s heads. “Stay here, Aizad. I’m gonna walk around.” Aizad nodded, eyes unreadable behind his sunglasses.

She focused her senses to block out the sounds of the vehicles, voices becoming a priority. French and Creole blended together with English in a single sentence, what little French she knew becoming useless in the mixture. She heard a scream in the distance, eyes immediately turning towards the noise. “Pardon,” she said as she moved through the crowd, willing herself not to shove them out of the way. Another scream and she forgoes her manners.

She sees two people run, looking briefly back at her before blending themselves into the crowd. She ran, trying desperately to remember the colours of their shirts and how they looked but cursed as she loses them around the corner. Turning her head back to the alley, she let out the breath she was holding.

Fareeha takes the safety off her rifle, many of the faces around her hearing and moving out of the way. She reached for her radio, letting it crack to life before speaking. “This is Captain Amari. Checking out a disturbance near Kafé. Requesting backup.”

“Copy you, Captain. On my way,” Hana said, accented voice coming through the comms.

With a nod, she turned the corner into the alley, hearing the faint sobs of a woman. She checked the area, military training kicking into high gear. “Excuse me,” she said, rifle trained on the woman. That’s when she sees it; blood, lots of it. A spent shell lay on the ground, near the person’s foot. Blood soaked jeans pokes from behind the woman as she turns, revealing her missing medic. “Lúcio!”

The woman continues to sob, hands not leaving Lúcio’s leg. Fareeha sees the knife now, clearly poking out of the doctor’s stomach. Fareeha bites her cheek, letting rifle moving over her shoulder as she rushed forward, applying more pressure around the wound. “You idiot.”

“Hey Ree,” Lúcio said faintly.

“Don’t talk,” Fareeha commanded, hand going to the radio again. “Medic down. I repeat; Medic down. Requesting immediate extraction, over.”

Hana turned the corner and gasped. “No!” she yelled, running over. “No! No! Lúcio! No!”

“Hey girl…”

“Song,” Fareeha said, voice cold as steel. “Stand guard at the front of the alley.”

“I’m not leaving him!”

“That’s an order. I have him. Take the girl and question her,” Fareeha replied with authority. “Now, lieutenant.”

“He helped,” the girl said in broken English. “Stopped men from taking  money. Stopped men from taking me. He talk but they not listen.”

Hana moved, giving her one last glance before helping the sobbing woman up. “Come with me, please.”

Fareeha turned her attention to the grinning medic. “You’re an idiot.” Lúcio laughed, face contorting in pain as he tried to get up. “Stay still. I’m not a medical expert but I’ve seen my fair share of stab wounds. You move now, you might die.”

“They…shot me too,” Lúcio said, eyes going to the wound on his leg. “Intermediate rang…”

“Hey! Stay with me!” Fareeha said, holding his head up with one hand. Lúcio’s eyes snapped open and closed again. “EXTRACTION TEAM I NEED YOU HERE NOW. HE IS FADING FAST.” She yelled into the radio.

“5 minutes out, boss lady. Crowds preventing us from moving fast,” Tariq said, Fareeha hearing him honk his horn.

“He doesn’t have 5 minutes. I need you here, NOW.”

Hana was beside her again, the woman now standing and watching the sight in horror. “I’m gonna miss our dance off,  _gatinha_.” Lúcio said lifting his hand. He turned his eyes to Fareeha, giving her another grin. “Take care of her, Ree. She’s a good one.”

“Hey! Hey! Stay with me! Lúcio! LÚCIO!” Fareeha said, putting his head back softly on the ground, shaking his shoulder firmly now. “LÚCIO! LÚCIO!!!”

* * *

“Fuck,” Ana cursed, making Kimiko flinch beside her. “That was Fareeha.”

“Oh?” Kimiko said, hoping it was good news. It had been years since she last saw Fareeha although the pictures of decorated soldier displayed proudly in her mother’s office.

“She’s fine. Don’t worry,” Ana let out a deep sigh before continuing. “Lúcio’s dead.” Kimiko gasped. “Kid wandered away from the team, and Fareeha went looking for him but was too late. Apparently he stopped a robbery but was shot and stabbed. Extraction couldn’t get to him in time for evac.”

“Saturday morning in Port Au Prince is always hectic,” Kimiko said matter-a-factly, Ana nodding in agreement. “But he was promising. This was to be his last tour correct?”

“Yes,” Ana whispered, sitting down at her desk. “We’re down 2 medics in Haiti and we’re not set to switch them out until the New Year.”

“The CDI team just arrived back,” Kimiko reminded her, making her glare back at her co-director.

“The CDI team needs their rest.  _She_  needs her rest.”

Kimiko scoffed, picking up the list of medics they had at hand. “Angie is the only one qualified enough to do both grief counselling for the troops and paediatrics. Call it a favour then. Don’t send in a full team but just her for relief.”

“Amélie will murder me if I send her out there.”

“Angie is the only paediatrician we have that isn’t deployed, pregnant or dead,” Kimiko said. “I’ll deal with Amélie. You just get Angie out to Haiti.”

Ana sighed, picking up the phone to dial a number she’s long memorised. “Hello, Amélie. Can I speak to Angela, please?”

* * *

Amélie tapped her foot impatiently at the lobby. She loved her work but she hated the fact that she was currently here on her vacation. Her carefully crafted morning was thrown out the window with one simple phone call from the director, Angela scrambling to get to the office as soon as she could.

 _Damned woman. Always playing the saint,_ Amélie told herself as she looked around. The walls were almost bare, save for a couple of paintings donated to them by the Spanish King. The staff that passed gave her a polite nod, many of them opting to give her a smile too. She frowned when she sees a familiar man come around the corner.

“ _Casse-toi, putain_ ,” She said making him laugh. Amélie glared at him more.

Gerard Lacroix only laughed at her, giving her a smile.“And a good afternoon to you too,” Gerard greeted, taking a sip out of his coffee. “2 days into your Vacation and you’re back? Miss yelling at us that much?”

“Only you,” she teased, making him laugh again.

“Seriously though, why are you back?” he asked, taking a seat beside her. She sighed, pointing at the closed boardroom that held her girlfriend inside. “Angie?”

“Ana  called this morning. Emergency she said.”

“Deployment you heard,” Gerard replied, letting out a sigh. “Could just be a meeting.”

Amélie glared at him. “When has a meeting ever been dubbed an emergency in Ana Amari’s eyes?”

“We are running low on funds for the CDI and she was just there,” he advised, knowing more about the finances of the MSF than anyone. All she knew was that the CDI was an ongoing pr nightmare. Many of her own nights were spent reading and rereading the press releases they were to put up about the situation there. “With the way some of these drugs are increasing in price, we’re looking for ways to keep the teams supplied. She might have an idea on how to do that since she saw to the children first hand.”

Amélie took the explanation in, hoping that was the case. Gerard’s phone buzzed, making him sigh and get up. “Whatever it is good luck. Hope you enjoy the rest of your vacation.”

“I’ll try.  _Joyeux Noel_.”

“ _Et une bonne nouvelle année_ ,” Gerard replied, waving as he walked the same way he came. Her own phone buzzed, starling her.

 _GLHF_ : So what’s the plan?

Amélie gritted her teeth.  _I told you not to text me until I text you first._ She received a bunch of smiley faces and a wink back making her want to chuck the Blackberry out the window.  _Not while she’s here. You know this.  
_

_GLHF:_ You know, she’ll be gone again. Then you’ll be mine. Over and over and over again.

Amélie bit her lip, forcing herself to glare at the interns who passed her. She really hoped what ever was happening in the boardroom was worth this torture.

* * *

Inside the boardroom, Angela frowned, staring at her two superiors. “I know it’s asking a lot, Angie.” Ana said, getting a nod from Kimiko. “But you are our best chance in this.”

Angela scoffed. She knew they could have reshuffled teams, moving some of the other pediatricians off slightly stable zones to fill. “You’re not just ruining my plans, but the plans of my girlfriend and her family,” she reminded them.

“And we’re prepared for Amélie’s wrath,” Kimiko said, making Angela laugh sarcastically.

“You don’t know her like I know her,” she admitted, leaving the two to stare at her. “Nevertheless, I have to talk it over with Amélie. We were supposed to leave for Annecy in a couple of days.”

“We can give you 24 hours,” Angela nodded, getting up to leave. “Thanks Angela.”

“Don’t thank me until you’ve faced my girlfriend,” Angela said, exiting the room. She sighed, spotting Amélie glaring at her phone. “What’s wrong?”

Amélie looked up, putting her phone back in her pocket. “Just work stuff. Ready to go?”

“Yeah, let’s go home,” Angela said, moving towards the stairs.

“Home? We’re supposed to go for lunch,” Amélie reminded her, falling in step with her. “Did something happen in there?”

“Not here, Ami. Please,” Angela said eyes down. Amélie glared at her, keeping her jaw tight the entire walk down. Angela let out a deep sigh as they entered the car. Amélie staring at her, not starting the car until she explained. “They want me to go to Haiti. For relief. Lúcio…he…he passed.”

Amélie’s hands formed a ball. She knew it was worst than what Gerard let on. She knew there was a reason why they asked for Angela when she picked up the phone. It was always like this. “Kimiko talked you into this didn’t she?”

“Ami..”

“You’re going to go. You’re going to leave me, again, alone for Christmas. Just like last year,” Amélie said, voice dropping dangerously. “You’re going to make me explain to my parents why they haven’t met you in person, even if we’ve been together for 2 years!”

“Amélie…”

“No! Go! Be a martyr. Go throw your life away for some noble cause like Lúcio did and see if the world thanks you for it.”

Angela sat in silence as Amélie finally started the car, giving her once last glare before driving towards the highway. She understood why the woman was upset; she had promised this time with her, a vacation from their hectic lives just to be together with family and friends. She had been promised this time off for months now but….

She looked over at Amélie, fury still clear on the woman’s face. Angela was looking forward to meeting the parents of the woman who made her happy, who gave her a reason to come back in one piece, who she honestly wanted to retire for. But she also knew the consequences of saying no. What it would mean to the world, to the people of Haiti, especially since they have just been robbed of one of their brightest. Amélie stopped the car, Angela noticing they were in front of their building. “Ami…”

“Don’t,” Amélie commanded, hands tightening around the steering wheel. Angela sighed, exiting the car only to watch it speed away. She released the breath she was holding, tears finally falling on the snowy ground.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Translations: 
> 
> gatinha - sexy lady  
> Casse-toi, putain - fuck off, bitch/whore  
> Joyeux Noel /  Et une bonne nouvelle année - Merry Christmas / And a happy new year


	3. Hiccups

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Even angels have their wicked schemes. And you take that to new extremes...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok some clarification: This takes place between Dec 19, 2009 and Jan 12, 2010. Just to give you all an estimate on when this all takes place. Technology is older but not by a lot. The emails are all fake.
> 
> Chapter Warnings: Cheating - Both Physical and Emotional

June 2009 – 6 months before the start of the story

Amélie smiled as Angela did a little spin her dress. The white and gold dress shimmered in the light of their apartment, Angela giggling when she stopped. “ _Magnifique_ ,” Amélie said, eyes roving her girlfriend’s body.

“Please don’t ruin this one. I really like it,” Angela chided, poking Amélie in the arm. She got up to smooth out her own dress, a simple red floor length gown that hid nothing to the imagination. Angela motioned for her to turn around, her necklace in the doctor’s hand.  Amélie smiled, moving her hair away as Angela put the necklace around her neck.

Angela kissed her bare shoulder, hands wandering to her lips. “Who’s touchy now?” Amélie teased, earning a chuckle from the other. “If you continue, we won’t ever leave for this gala.”

“Maybe I don’t want to go,” Angela admitted, handing her the other necklace in her hands. “I really just want to stay home and read and cuddle Seba.”

Amélie took the necklace, clasping it around Angela’s neck. It was the first present she gave her; a small angel wing she had found when she was in London. “Just Seba? Not me?”

“ _Nien_ , Schäri. For you, I have other plans,” Angela said, pulling her closer. Sebastien meowed at their feet, both of them jump, Amélie glaring at the cat for ruining the moment.  Angela gave her a kiss on cheek. ”Let’s go.”

“ _Apres vous_ ,” Amélie said, grabbing her clutch as they exited.

The drive to the rented hotel was short, both of them being offered champagne as soon as they walked in.  The gala, if you could even call it that, was simpler than others they had been to but many important delegates were still in attendance. Amélie spotted the crowned princesses of the Netherlands in the crowd, already talking to Gerard and his wife, Martine.

Amélie scanned the crowd before Angela pulled her toward the director. “Fareeha!” Angela greeted, making the woman beside their boss turn and smile.

“Good evening, Angela,” the soldier greeted, giving both of them a curt nod. “This must be the Amélie you’re so fond of talking about. Pleasure to meet your acquaintance.”

“Ami, this is the director’s daughter, First Lieutenant Fareeha Amari,” Angela said introducing her girlfriend. “She was on tour with me in both Cote D’Ivore back in ‘04 and Sudan a few years back. Nice to see your nose settled back in nicely.”

Fareeha blushed, Angela smirking as she poked the soldier in the arm. Amélie looked the soldier up and down. She had to admit that Fareeha had a strong elegance about her. Dressed in her formal Military attire, Amélie noted the woman’s broad shoulders and chiseled features beneath the suit. She wore a friendly smile on her face, looking at Angela fondly. Amélie held out her hand, Fareeha doing the same. “Likewise. Ana, you must be so proud of her.”

Ana scoffed, “I tried to discourage her into joining but she followed my footsteps,” Ana said bitterly. “At least she’s with the Peace Corps, not the Egyptian Military.”

“Mother,” Fareeha chided, earning a handwave from the older Amari.

“So Ree,” Angela said, changing the subject. Amélie frowned at the nickname. “How was your last tour?”

“Good. Was deployed in Haiti. About to go back in a week actually,” Fareeha admitted, scratching the back of her head. “Full year there. Should be interesting.”

“Excuse me,” Amélie said, giving Angela a quick peck on the cheek, making Fareeha frown. Amélie raised her eyebrow but said nothing, Angela turning to her in confusion. “Smoke break.”

Amélie found herself at the balcony of the hotel, cigarette in hand. Her blackberry was buzzing, emails coming in from teams around the world regarding inane things. One email caught her eye; the Haitian team currently deployed was sending an update on the situation.  A team of 3 doctors was sent, 2 of them veterans while one, Lucio, was a promising young boy who was only on his second tour.

“Champagne?” a voice asked from her side, accent thick from England. Amélie turned, to see the waitress, hair spiked up but in the same outfit as the rest. “Not that you need it, being a tall drink of yourself.”

Amélie raised an elegant brow at the girl, noting her smirk. “Bold little one, aren’t you.”

“Only when someone interests me,” the girl said with a wink. "Lena Oxton. British transplant, part-time waitress, all-around good time."

Amélie actually found herself chuckling. The girl was bold and very much the opposite of her normally reserved girlfriend. Where Angela had the precision of a surgeon, this Lena was more of a ball of spontaneity. “Does flirting come with the job description of a waiter now? Surely I’m not that out of touch with hotel management services.”

Before Lena could respond, Amélie hears her name, making her look back at Angela. Lena flutters to the blonde, offering her a drink as well that Angela accepts gratefully. “Making new friends?” Angela teased, making her glare.

“No,” Amélie said, finishing her cigarette and walking back into the gala with Angela. She sees Lena wink at her and she blushes, not feeling this way before.

* * *

Present Day – December 21, 2009

Amélie let the door slam behind her, cigarette already in hand as she made her way to her car. She fumbles with the keys and curses, opting on leaning against the car in the meantime. She promised herself this was the last time, her own mind belittling her as she’s said it before. Something about the younger girl drew her in, like a fly to sugar water. The first time had been a mistake. The subsequent times were….

Amélie sighed, flicking the finished cigarette into the snow, picking up her keys with a groan as she unlocked the vehicle. She checks herself in the rearview mirror, noting that Lena didn’t leave any marks on her this time around, knowing full well Angela was home. Smoothing down her hair with her hands, she starts the car, making her way to the local flower shop, not noticing the glaring figure across the street from her.

* * *

Angela poured another glass of wine, taking a sip out of the bottle before replacing its cork back on it. _Always the same fight_ _,_  she thought to herself, taking a big gulp of the glass. Ever since the she was promoted to head of translation, Angela had noticed the change in her lover. Her smiles soon faded to cowls, her temper got worse over time and she spent more and more time alone.

 _You’re not helping the situation you know_ , her own mind told her. Angela sighed, knowing it was the truth.  _The fact that you’re also in love with someone else probably hasn’t gone unnoticed. Watch…_

Her hands find her mobile phone, finger tapping the second name on her recent texts before she slid out the screen.  _Edelweiss._

The house phone rang immediately, making Angela smile. “Hey Gee.”

“You don’t sound good. Something happen?” Gerard asked, Angela hearing the sounds of Matthieu, Gerard’s son, in the background.

“Ana wants me in Haiti. Amélie is angry I’m leaving her again and I’m half a bottle of wine in,” Angela admitted, taking another sip of the glass. “You know what my answer is. How can I make Amélie accept it?”

She heard Gerard scoff on the other side of the line. “Amélie wouldn’t be happy unless you’re home all the time. Even if you’re in a hospital here, she’d still be pissed at you. She’s a big girl and so are you. This is what you want to do, regardless of what she wants.”

“I want her to be happy too,” Angela said, looking down at Sebastien at her feet.

“And when was the last time she made you feel happy?” Gerard asked bluntly. Angela hesitated. She felt happy when she got home a couple of days ago, but before that… “See what I mean?”

“I really shouldn’t have told you about this,” Angela replied, sitting down on the couch now. She looked around the apartment; pictures of the two of them lined the wall behind her, smaller painting and art from various travels, either from her own or Amelie’s, were scattered around the apartment. It was home. It was safe.

Why didn’t she feel happy about it?

“You told me because I’ve been your best friend since Uni. We’re each other’s voice of reason, not that you like listening to me about it,” Gerard joked, Matthieu coming in clearly now. “The fact that you can’t answer that simple question is very telling. Your admittance to me, even if it was by email, that you have feelings for another person makes me think that your relationship with Amélie is at an end.” Gerard pauses, Angela hearing Matthieu further away now, the toddler making car noises. “Ask yourself this then, Angie; if the world was to end, who do you want by your side?”

* * *

2 years ago – Sudan

Fareeha adjusted her light blue beret, preventing it from falling off her head. She flinched, biting the inside of her cheek as pain shot up her bandaged arm.  _I’m going to the doctors as least,_  she joked with herself.

The medical tent stood largely in the middle of the camp, many of the soldiers around her giving her a nod as she passed. The sign at the tent read in 3 languages, Fareeha only concerning herself with the Arabic one. She frowned, checking the time on her watch and the time on the sign again. Visiting hours: 0900-1830 it read. She glared at her watch, the mocking time of 1832 showing on it.

“You know, it won’t go faster the more you glare at it,” a voice from her right said. Fareeha turned, Dr. Angela Ziegler smirking at her.

Fareeha smiled back but sighed. “Guess I’ll have to wait til tomorrow to give Saleh this,” she said, holding up the book she had promised the private.

Angela looked around, most of the men going about their own business. She held her finger over her lip, opening the tent flap to let Fareeha in. “Visiting hours may be over but nothing says a doctor and her friend can’t check up on a patient.”

Fareeha smiled at her, going inside the dimly lit tent. Thankfully, most the beds were empty save a couple near the back. Saleh and Aizad both looked up, giving Fareeha and Angela a smile. “See you managed to get in even after hours.”

“Pays to be nice to your doctors,” Fareeha said, giving Angela another smile. “Here, the book you wanted,” she said to Saleh. She turned around to the grinning Aizad. “And your Gameboy, you big baby.”

“You’re the best, Ree,” Aizad said with a laugh. Angela smiled at the sight, both men content with their presents, Fareeha smiling as well.

“The nurses will be in with your food shortly, gentlemen. Don’t let them see those. Even my powers have their limits,” Angela said with a wink as she started to walk away.

“We’ll be on our best behavior, Doc,” Saleh said, already opening his book. “Thanks, both of you.”

“Anytime,” they said in unison, earning a chuckle from both men. Fareeha waved goodbye, following Angela out the tent. “Thanks for that, Angie.” Fareeha, leaning in to give her a kiss on the cheek. Angela’s heart fluttered as Fareeha smiled at her. “I owe you one.”

* * *

Present day

Angela stopped. She liked Fareeha. She was free to admit that in the privacy of her own thoughts. The fact that Gerard picked up on it during the gala made her think more about the situation. She had apparently spent most of the night, that he could see at least, in Amélie’s arms but staring at Fareeha.

“Never seen you look like Ami like that, Angie,” she remembered Gerard saying.

But she also loves Amélie.

 _Fareeha isn’t here. Amélie is_ , her mind reasoned.  _But you’ve liked Fareeha for years now. You don’t even know if she likes you back. If she felt that way too…_

_You can always find out, especially if you go._

Amélie or Fareeha.

“I…I don’t know,” she lied.

“I think you do,” Gerard said. “You just don’t want to admit it.”

* * *

From: ziegler-angela@msf-dwb.co.ch

To: amari-ana@msf-dwb.co.eg  
CC: yanagizawa-kimiko@msf-dwb.co.jp; ziegler-angela@msf-dwb.co.ch  
BCC: moureau-amelie@msf-dwb.co.fr

18:34. 21-12-2009

Subject: okay

I’ll do it. Not for a month though but until the 12th. That should give you enough time to assemble a team.

You both have to promise me though that, when I get back, I get a month to myself. Just Amelie and I. No contacting us while we’re on vacation. We need this.

Angie

* * *

From: amari-ana@msf-dwb.co.eg

To: ziegler-angela@msf-dwb.co.ch  
CC: yanagizawa-kimiko@msf-dwb.co.jp

18:51. 21-12-2009

RE: okay

I’ll make sure of it. Thanks Angie. I’ll have Kimiko forward you the flight details. Leaving on the 23rd.

Ana

* * *

From: amari-ana@msf-dwb.co.eg

To: jmorrison@mintusha.un-pkc.org  
BCC: f-amari@gmail.com

19:08. 21-12-2009

Subject: New Doctor

Hello Jack,

Called in a favour and we managed to get another relief doctor in short notice. We’ll get a full team out come the new year but she should be enough until that team comes. Her name is Dr. Angela Ziegler. See to it that she’s protected. Thanks

Ana Amari  
Director  
Médecins Sans Frontières – Doctors Without Borders

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Translations:  
> Magnifique - Magnificent  
> Nien, Schäri - No, dearest  
> Apres vous - After you  
> Edelweiss - National flower of Switzerland. Acts as a safe word for Angela and Gerard. Gerard's is Iris, the national flower of France.


	4. The Show Must Go On

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> But you’ll always be my hero, even though you’ve lost your mind.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter Warnings: Cheating - Hinted Physical cheating

Angela checked the time. _19:21_ the clock in the corner read. She sighed, straightening the couch cushions again. Cleaning always helped her calm down. She could hear the Roomba whirling away in the hallway, Sebastien sitting proudly on top. She laughed, moving into the bedroom, the cat following closely behind.

The bed laid largely unmade, both of them not really wanting to get up that morning. The book she was reading was still on the duvet, left hastily when she got the phone call. Amelie’s magazine, one of many she was constantly reading, sat on her bedside table, covering the alarm clock. Sebastien chirped, jumping up on the bed to lie on top of her book. “Seba…” she scolded, knowing it was futile. “ _Ich war darüber zu lessen...”_ Sebastien yawned at her, making her laugh. “You’re lucky you’re cute,” she said squishing his face.

She spots a pile of clothes on her reading chair, making her sigh at the mess. Many times she’s asked Amélie to put away her clothes, her pleas apparently falling on deaf ears. She frowned, starting to fold the clothes nearly to put them away when she spots a leather jacket in the pile. It was a used old thing, like a hand-me-down or family heirloom. Its collar was well worn, the RAF patch being stitched on the side haphazardly. It was too small for Amelie, and definitely too small for her. Angela wracked her brain for anyone she knew that was British, coming up blank.

Except….

She heard the sounds of keys, Sebastien jumping down to meet his owner. “Angie?” she heard Amélie ask. Angela took a deep breath and stepped into the hallway, jacket in hand. Amélie looked at her, expression already sombre before her eyes saw the jacket.

Angela thought she saw a flash of shock but it remained the same. “Oh, guess they left that here.”

“Who left this here?” Angela asked, holding the jacket higher.

“New girl Tomasz is seeing. They were over last week before we went drinking. Him, that new girl, Pierre and his wife,” Amélie explained as she slipped off her shoes.

Angela bit the inside of her cheek, thinking of the possibility. She knew of some of Amelie’s friends, Tomasz being a frequent visitor of theirs. “When did he and Marta break up?” Angela asked out of curiosity.

“3 months ago? Start of fall I think,” Amélie said with a shrug. Angela narrowed her eyes. Something didn’t feel right…

“Roses?”

Amélie looked at her sheepishly. _Here we go,_ her mind told her. “I read the email you sent to Ana,” Amélie started. Angela readies herself as she prepares for the same speech she’s heard before.

“I know I can’t stop you from going. It’s what you do. You’re an amazing doctor and it’s really hard for me not to worry when you’re out on the field when I’m not there too. Especially when Haiti has already costed us 2 doctors.” Angela sighed, knowing there was more. There was always more. “I know I’ve said it before and I’m working on my anger. And with the distance….I wish that I didn’t take the job then maybe I can still be on the field with you…”

 _Then why did you?_ Angela asked in her mind. She had to admit, she missed having Amélie on the field with her. That’s where they met, during one of her tours of Cote D’Ivoire. Amélie was the relief translator, the previous one going home with a family emergency. Although nothing happened at that time, they kept in touch, Amélie charming her way into her life.

When Amélie was moved to the Geneva HQ, it didn’t take them long to start dating. _You moved too fast,_ her mind to her, Angela beating down the voice in her head. _Not like Fareeha though._

“I got these for you,” Amélie said, giving her the flowers. “I’m sorry. I truly am.” Angela took the flowers, smaller than normal but it was winter. _Wrong flower…the jacket…_

“These are lovely,” Angela commented, taking a sniff of the flowers. “And I know you didn’t mean it. It’s alright. I should be the one apologising, since I’ve now ruined our Christmas,” Angela said with practised ease. _Too practised…_ “How about dinner at Lipp? My treat.”

Amélie nodded, giving her a smile. “Let me freshen up, and then we can go.”

Angela moved to the side, giving Amélie room to pass. She got a kiss her on the cheek, Angela willing herself not to flinch at the contact as Amélie disappeared into the bathroom. Angela looked at the bouquet and the jacket in her hands and sighed.

Two different stories... She wanted to believe her girlfriend. Wanted to trust what she was saying. But there was something in the back of her mind that kept her from doing it.

Who owned the jacket? Who was Amélie buying roses for?

Who was Lena Oxton?

She moved to the kitchen, tossing the jacket on the couch as she did so. Finding a vase, she managed to put the flowers in as she heard Amélie move from the bathroom to the bedroom.

Grabbing her phone hastily, she finds the name she was looking for and sends a text, biting her bottom lip as it sent. _Hija, I need a favour._

_S: Anything for you, madre._

Angela looked behind her, noticing that Amélie was distracted by Sebastien. _Find out who Lena Oxton is and email me the details. Don’t text it._

_S: Bueno. I’ll get on it. Miss you, team mom. Good luck in Haiti._

“Ready to go?” Amélie asked her, smile on her face.

“Yeah.”

* * *

The waiter smiled and nodded, taking away their menus. Amélie smiled back, watching as Angela relaxed into the seat in front of her. “We haven’t been here in a while,” she commented taking in their surroundings. Brasserie Lipp had been a new spot in town, easily becoming one of the most popular spots for late night hangouts and dates.

“It was our anniversary,” Angela remembered, pointing to the spot by the window. “We sat there and we had just come back from Madagascar that morning.”

Amélie laughed, remembering the day more clearly. “It was raining heavily and we both came in soaked. You had an entire steak to yourself.”

Angela shrugged, hiding her smirk behind her wine glass. “You weren’t any better. _Plat de Mer_ and 2 pieces of cake afterwards. I was impressed.”

“3 if I count you,” Amélie said with a wink, making Angela roll her eyes. She felt her phone vibrate in her jeans, wondering who it might be. A comfortable silence fell over them, basking in the restaurant’s atmosphere.

“I’ll be right back. Gonna go wash my hands,” Angela said, getting up. Amélie watched as she left, taking her phone out to see who was texting her. The name made her growl.

_Not now._

GLHF: ???  
GLHF: Do you have it or not?

_Yes and Angela has seen it. I told you not to leave anything in my apartment._

GLHF: fuck. sorry. I’ll come pick it up.

_Pick it up after the 23 rd. She leaves  for Haiti in the morning._

GLHF: Does she now?  
GLHF: :) :) :) :) :) 

Amélie glared at her phone, ready to type a response when she feels Angela’s hand on her shoulder. “Pierre or Tomasz?”

“Tomasz,” she lied, taking a sip of her cognac. The waiter returned with their food, sparing her any other questions but the look on Angela’s face made her lose her appetite.

* * *

Amélie got up, kissing Angela's bare shoulder lightly before leaving the bed. The doctor was a heavy sleeper, often needing 3 alarms to wake up. Amélie watched her for a minute before lifting her side of the mattress, keeping a watchful eye to see if Angela moves.

When Angela doesn't budge, she takes the ring box out from its hiding spot, checking it over as she made her way to the living area.  Angela had her luggage already in the hall. She looked the ring over again, putting the small note inside before closing it, stuffing it into the bottom of her girlfriend's luggage before going back to sleep.

* * *

Fareeha woke at the sounds of gentle sobbing. It had only been a couple of days but she knew how close Hana was to the medic. They were the same age, both only 24, yet already doing their part to make the world better.

She got up, walking over to the young soldier who quickly wiped her tears once she saw Fareeha approaching. "Sorry," Hana whispered, Fareeha sitting at the foot of her cot.

"Don't be," Fareeha said, extending her arm out to let Hana come in for a hug. "Let it out. It's better than bottling it in."

She saw Hana hesitate but moved, tears flowing again. "The new doctor will help, trust me on this."

"You know her right?" Hana asked between sobs.

Fareeha nodded, gently stroking the younger girl's hair. "We've been friends for years. Had several tours with her. My mom is her boss."

"If you trust her, then I will too," Hana confirmed, moving away again to wipe her tears. "Thanks, Captain. I think I'll try to sleep now.

Fareeha patted her shoulder, giving her a nod as she got up. "Anytime, Hana."

* * *

Amélie stifled a yawn behind her hand, breath coming out in a puff. Angela pulled her carryon closer to her, closing the trunk before giving her a tired smile. "Too early," Angela grumbled, adjusting her glasses on her face.

"I'll yell at Kimi when I get in the office in the New Year," she said, holding out for Angela's suitcase.

"I love you," Angela said, kissing her on the cheek. The walk to the elevator was quiet, most of the parking lot still being empty. There was a couple on the elevator with them, Angela mimicking the husband with the same head bob as they tried to keep themselves awake.

There sat at the terminal, Amélie nursing her coffee as Angela napped on her shoulder. "Now boarding, Flight 816 to Paris," the PA announced, Amélie shaking Angela to wake up.

"Time to go _cherie_ ," Amélie said softly, Angela groaning as she rubbed her eyes. Amélie laughed at the sight, kissing the top of Angela's head as the both got up. "Here, before you go. Open it."

"Oh Ami," Angela said, taking the small wrapped present in her hands. She pulled the string delicately, taking the wrapping paper off carefully as not to rip it. Amélie watched as Angela's eyes lit up at the necklace inside, a pair of angel wings with a halo above them in sterling silver. Angela laughed at the stack of Mix CDs at the bottom of the box, tucking both items in her carry on before giving her a hug. "I love it. Thank you."

" _De rien_. I wanted to see your reaction to it before you left," she explained. Angela pulled away, hands stroking her cheek as she smiled at her.

"Claudia already has your present. Has been itching to open it but I told her not to," Angela said, making Amélie scoff.

"Ma mere was never a patient woman," she replied, slightly annoyed that she didn't get beforehand. "Whatever it is, I'm sure I'll love it."

"I hope so," Angela said, pulling her close for a kiss. Amélie felt herself melt into it, wishing the moment won't end.

"Now boarding, Flight 816 to Paris," the PA announced again, making them pull away from one another. Amélie kept their foreheads touching, breathing in all of Angela's scent, faint hints of Vanilla and antiseptic mixing with lilacs, before she left. "Stay safe. Come back in one piece," she whispered.

Angela smiled, Amélie noticing the mischievous glint in her eyes. "Or what?"

"I'll come to Haiti myself and drag you to Mauritius with me," she joked, earning a laugh.

"Mauritius? I thought we were going to Bora Bora?"

"Either. Don't care. Just away," she admitted, earning another kiss.

"I'll keep that in mind," Angela said, adjusting her glasses and carry on again. "Guess I should go."

Amélie sighed. "Guess so."

Angela kissed her on the cheek one last time, before turning around for the counter. " _Je t'aime_ ," Amélie called out, willing herself not to cry.

"Moi aussi," Angela replied, giving her boarding pass to the attendant before she disappears into the tunnel.

Amélie sighs, pulling her jacket tighter around her waist as she left. The coffee she had went cold minutes ago, making her frown as she took another offending sip. The parking lot was fuller now, cars full of exhausted looking parents and their hyperactive children bouncing around made her smile.

She pulled the keys out of her pocket, hearing the car beep open when someone wrapped thier arms around her waist. The smell of coffee and cinnamon, with a hint of motor oil filled her senses, making her jaw tighten. "Hello, luv." Amélie turns, and slaps Lena in the face, the girl just giggling through it. “Feisty this morning, aren’t we?”

“You couldn’t wait a couple of hours?” Amélie said, voice dropping in anger. Lena just continued to laugh.

“It’s my favourite jacket,” the girl admitted, leaning against her car. “Besides, I’ve been itching for some French food,” she said with a wink.

“You will be the death of me,” Amélie said, unlocking the car and telling Lena to get in. _Pardonne-moi…._

* * *

Angela yawns, waiting for her suitcase to appear on the carousel in front of her. The weather was warmer than that in Geneva but not sweltering. Spotting her suitcase, she excused herself, earning a glare from a younger looking gentleman as she cut in front of him to reach it.

“Angela! Over here!” she hears from beyond the gate, Fareeha smiling at her. She felt her heart leap into her throat at the sight of the soldier, dressed casually in a T-Shirt and jeans. Her beret still remained her on head, reminding those around them of her position. “Welcome to Haiti.”

“Can’t say I’m glad to be here, but it’s nice to see a familiar face,” she admitted, giving Fareeha a hug. Fareeha chuckled, taking the suitcase from her, holding out her hand for her other bag. “It’s ok. I’m fine carrying this.”

Fareeha didn’t budge. “You just had an 18 hour flight. If you don’t give it to me, I’ll carry you with it too.”

Angela couldn’t help but blush, Fareeha’s smirk making her roll her eyes. “Fine. But only because you asked so nicely.” Fareeha hefted the small duffle bag on her shoulder with ease, nodding her head towards the exit. “So, tell me the situation.”

“Not for me to tell you. Colonel Morrison will brief you tomorrow but I do have a favour to ask you,” Fareeha said as they made their way to the parked jeep. Another familiar face, Aizad Angela remembered, was waiting for them in the car, giving Angela a small wave.

“What is it?” she asked, noting the looks everyone was giving her. Fareeha’s sigh made her turn attention back to the soldier in front of her.

“There’s a soldier in my squad. She’s having trouble sleeping. She was really close to Lucio,” Fareeha explained. “I know you don’t officially start ‘til tomorrow but can you talk to her tonight? It’d help her a lot.”

“Of course. Let me make a call home first, then I’ll come back to the barracks with you guys,” Angela said touching Fareeha’s arm for reassurance. “It’s good to see you again, Fareeha.”

“Always good to have you by my side, Angela,” Fareeha said as they stopped in front of the MSF. “We’ll wait here.”

“Okay,” Angela said, getting out of the back as Aizad helped her with her luggage. Violette, the receptionist, waved at her.

“Never expected to see you here, Angie,” Violette greeted with a hug. “Gerard actually just called as you were pulling in.”

“Always so protective of me,” Angela said with a smile. “Can I use your phone? I’m just gonna call Amélie to tell her I’m here safely.”

“ _Certainement_ ,” the girl said, motioning for Aizad to follow her. “I’ll show him where you’re room is. I’m guessing you’re going straight to the barracks.”

“Thanks, Violette,” Angela said as she started dialing, hands drumming on the desk as the phone rang. 3 rings pass…4…

Angela looks at the clock and calculated the time back in Geneva. _Maybe she was still asleep_ she thought to herself.

Their answering machine picks up and beeps.

* * *

 _S: Hey bossman..Thought you might want to know this first_  
_G: yes?_  
_S: Angie asked me to look someone up. A Lena Oxton._  
_S: She lives in the same address you asked me to look up._

Gerard gritted his teeth, seeing the familiar car on his street again. 

_G: Thanks. I'll handle it._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ich war darüber zu lessen – I was about to read that…  
> Hija - Daughter  
> Madre - Mother  
> Bueno – Fine/Okay  
> Plat de Mer –Seafood medley dish. Normally you can pick what you want to have.  
> De rien – It’s nothing/ You’re welcome  
> Je t'aime / Moi aussi – I love you/ Me too  
> Pardonne-moi…. – Forgive me  
> Certainement - Certainly


	5. Réveillon

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Now there’s gravel in our voices, glass is shattered from the fight

Angela sat beside Hana, the solider keeping her gaze down. They had met just yesterday, Fareeha dragging the girl into the Officer’s tent for this session. Hana looked at her like a deer in headlights, even her softest smiles not changing the frightened look on the girl’s face.

Fareeha managed to sit the girl on the chair, leveling the girl with a stare. She had seen the girl gulp. “This is the friend I was telling you about. I trust her with my life. She won’t judge you, trust me.” Fareeha said, the girl nodding at her Captain. Fareeha had left them alone after that, telling Angela that they had some spare cots if she needed to stay the night.

They stayed in silence for a while, the sounds of the camp filling the space. “I first met Lucio back in Geneva. He was so eager to be there,” Angela said. “It was rare for someone that young to be recruited in but Ana, Fareeha’s mom, made the exception, since he did save Zenyatta’s life.”

Hana remained silent. “Zenyatta told me all about him, when I was attending to him. ‘ _He is wonderful, Angela. Such a contagious smile and a happy demeanor. He would be a great asset to any hospital_.’ I remember him telling me,” Angela continued, looking up at the top of the tent. Mosquito netting lined the inside, the hum of the electric bug catcher above them starting to become more noticeable.

Angela sighed. “I know it’s hard. I’ve lost many friends on the battlefield, some in my own hands as I tried to save them. But the pain…” she stopped herself, remembering what had happened the days before, with Amélie. The memory of her screaming played out in her mind. The look of sheepishness on Amélie’s face as she apologized as well as the loving look she got when she was leaving.. “It becomes manageable over time.”

“The sooner you can accept the truth, no matter how painful it is, the sooner you can start recovering from it,” Angela finished, sighing. It was never easy. The fact that she was here, chasing some false hope instead of being with the person who loves her made her sigh. “It will take time, and I know it’s only been a couple of days, but remember him for how he was. Then celebrate him. I know he would have wanted you to.”

They sat in silence again, Hana visibly calmer than when she started talking. “It’s getting late, you should get some sleep,” Angela suggested, getting up. That’s when she hears it; the faint whisper from the smaller woman.

“I’m pregnant.”

* * *

Angela stood on the tarmac, surrounded by the MSF staff and the rest of the MINUSTAH soldiers. The Brazilian national anthem played as Lucio’s coffin was placed on board the carrier, to be sent back so his family can bury him a hero. Lucio’s mother continued to sob, his sister holding her up but sobbing as well.

She looked to her left and saw Hana crying. Her beret firmly on her head, the young girl continued to sob as she watched. Angela placed a comforting hand on the girl’s shoulder, their first session last night affording her some trust with the clearly shaken solider.

“Attention!” the Staff Sergeant yelled, all the soldiers saluting as the plane closed its doors. They all filed off the tarmac, Angela noticing Major John Morrison in the crowd. He was a veteran solider, seeing tours both in Vietnam and Kuwait for his country before joining the UN.

“Dr. Ziegler,” he greeted with a slight nod. “I haven’t had a chance to thank you for coming so soon.”

Angela waved him off, Hana and Fareeha stopping a short distance away from her. “It’s nothing really. I’m just happy to help. I know it is,” she looks over at the two soldiers again, “a difficult time.”

Morrison followed her gaze and sighed. “Song is a good kid. Was surprised when she signed up but she was recommended by the General in the KASF. And I hear you’re close to Amari.”

“We were in the Cote D’Ivoire and Sudan together,” Angela explained, earning a nod from the Major. “I’ll set up more grief counseling for the soldiers in Captain Amari’s squad in the upcoming days. Lieutenant Song is my first priority though.”

“Good. We’re in Port-Au-Prince for the next couple of days but as of the 27th, their squad is supposed to be sent out to a village for a routine patrol.” Morrison said, leaving Angela to draw the conclusion with a sigh.

“And you want me to go with them,” Angela asked, Morrison sighing loudly.

“I know you’d rather stay and help out with surgeries but that village had a recent outbreak of violence, mostly children were injured,” the Major explained, scratching the back of his head. “While my men can do basic patch ups, I’d rather have an actual doctor look at the kids.”

She looked back at Hana and Fareeha. Fareeha had her hand on the younger girl’s shoulder, saying something that has stopped the girl from crying, the small smile an indication. “I’d love to go, especially to keep an eye on the Lieutenant.”

“Good, I’ll tell Captain Amari to expect you that morning. I’ll leave you to your sessions then,” Morrison said with a salute, walking towards his waiting Jeep. “Merry Christmas, Doctor.”

“Merry Christmas, Major,” she replied before walking to Hana and Fareeha. “Apologies for that. He was just briefing me about the 27th.”

“The patrol in Decayette?” Fareeha asked, ushering both women into their own jeep. “What about it?”

“I’m coming with you,” Angela said, taking a seat behind the soldiers. “Mostly to patch up those who have been hurt, but also to keep an eye on you,” Angela said, patting Hana on the shoulder.

Fareeha merely nodded, knowing the situation already. “I saw the request to move her to the MSF quarters instead of the barracks on my desk this morning,” Fareeha said as they drove. Hana kept quiet, Fareeha giving her a reassuring smile. “Only if you want to, will I move you.”

Angela watched as Hana’s hands go over her stomach. Though she hadn’t been able to confirm it, from what she was told last night, it was a big possibility. “Do you want to test it today?” Angela offered, Hana nodding her head slightly. “Okay.”

Fareeha drove them to the MSF headquarters, Angela giving Hana the use of her quarters and private bathroom to run the pregnancy test. She watched as Angela take sip of the can of Coke, eyes looking emptily in the distance. Her blue eyes, normally still full of life even though they were tired, were duller. Like something happened before she came.

_Of course something happened,_ the voice inside her head said, Fareeha frowning at the thought. _She’s here. Not with her girlfriend and family. All because you couldn’t protect Lucio._

The door opening made both of them look at Hana, who handed the test to Angela. Angela gave the girl a reassuring pat on the shoulder, moving them a little bit further away to talk. Fareeha watched as they spoke in hushed terms, Hana being escorted back into Angela’s quarters again before the doctor came out. “She’s tired. She’s gonna take a nap here then I’ll call over to the barracks when she’s up and ready to come back.”

Fareeha nodded, getting up and dusting her fatigues off of imaginary dust. “You can talk to me, you know,” she offered, watching as Angela turned her head back to look at her. “Whatever’s on your mind, you can talk to me about it.”

She noticed the medic hesitate, eyes showing multiple emotions in a short amount of time. “Not…Not right now,” Angela said, clutching the clipboard she had closer to her. Fareeha moved to touch the medic’s arm but Angela flinched away, Fareeha letting her hand fall back beside her.

_She’s hurting and it’s your fault_ the voice said again. _Your fault._ Fareeha let her discipline take over, willing herself start to walk away. “Just call the base, Dr. Ziegler. I’ll pick up the Lieutenant personally.”

Once in the Jeep, Fareeha let out a sigh. Years now, she had been in love with Angela. It took her 2 years to admit it, another 1 to muster the courage to get her contact information so they can keep in touch. When she was finally ready, Angela broke her news of Amélie.

_Always too late_ the voice repeated. Fareeha gritted her teeth and started the jeep, not noticing the doctor staring at her from the window.

* * *

May 1996 – Paris, France

Angela adjusted the glasses on her face, peeking over the heads in front of her to try and see her test score. Gerard laughed beside her. “I’m sure you did fine, Angie.”

“What if I didn’t?” she asked, biting the bottom of her lip in worry. Gerard scoffed, earning a glare from his worried friend.

“Angie, you’re a fucking genius. I wouldn’t be surprised if you’re top of the class, Dr. Ziegler,” he said, earning a small smile at the compliment.

Martine wove her wave to them, Polaroid in hand. “Wanna see it?” she teased, making Angela huff.

“You two deserve each other. You really do,” Angela said, trying to grab the photo from the taller woman’s hand.

Martine just smiled, handing Angela the photograph. “Congratulations, Dr. Ziegler.”

* * *

Amélie let her gaze sweep the bedroom once more, making sure the curtains were drawn and the windows locked. Even if Annecy was only an hour away, she still didn’t want anyone or anything coming into the apartment. Sebastien meowed in the hallway, making his way into the bedroom only to meow some more.

“Tais-toi, Seba,” she scolds the cat, making him chirp at her some more. “2 days,” she switches languages in a vain effort. “I’ll be back before you know it.”

A knock on the door startles her, making her jump slightly. Most of her neighbours had already gone home for the holidays, those staying she could hear busily shuffling in their own flats preparing for what was to come. Amélie looked out the peep hole only to find Gerard in front of it.

Gerard was a frequent visitor to their home, along with his wife Martine. Both were Angela’s best friends; Gerard knowing Angela since the beginnings of University. She remembered their talks of late night cramming and marathons of the horrible Chinese martial arts movies with bad lip-syncing. Why he was here though…

“Gerard?” Amélie said, opening the door.

“How fucking dare you!” he said, pushing his way through the door. “You! Of all people! You do this to her?!”

“What the fuck are you talking about?” Amélie asked, confused. Gerard scoffed, taking out photos from his jacket pocket and tossing them on the coffee table, the man pacing the length of the living room. Amélie picked up the photos and paled, eyes widening at the pictures showing her with Lena over the last couple of days. “Where did you…how did you…You were spying on me?”

“OH! That’s your first question?!” Gerard yelled. “You were spying on me is your first question?! I cant fucking believe this. You’re not even denying it, you’re more concerned at the fact I caught you cheating than the fact YOU ARE CHEATING ON MY BEST FRIEND.”

Amélie flinched, Gerard rubbing his eyes under his glasses in frustration. “2 fucking years you’ve been with Angie. 1 and a half of which you’ve been living together. And you throw it away for a dumb waitress!” he yells again. “What has Angela ever done to deserve this? What?”

_She’s never here. She’s always out there, saving someone else. Angela was always on a different continent, but Lena was here. Lena was convenient. Lena is different. Lena understands what I want. What I like. Lena…Oh my god…_ her mind was racing. “You were spying on me!” She yelled back. “What I do on my own time is NONE of your business,” she said, emphasizing the word.

“It becomes my business when it involves my best friend, you bitch,” Gerard yelled, hands clenching into a ball. “I’ve told myself never to raise my hand against a woman. I have too much respect for what you do but YOU,” he said pointing directly at her, “You are making me want to break that.”

“You…You won’t understand,” Amélie said, moving past him and into the kitchen. She heard him scoff, a bitter laugh coming out of him. “I have needs too, Gerard.”

Gerard shook his head, another bitter laugh coming from him. “I won’t understand…wow,” he said, looking around him. “I won’t understand what exactly? The distance? The fact that I have to live in constant fear that both my best friends in the entire world are out there risking their lives while I sit back and look at a computer screen the entire day? The fact that I can awake up one day without the mother of my children? Because I understand that pain more than anyone.” Amélie watched as he took a breath before continuing. “Not once in the last 10 years that we’ve been married, have I ever felt the need to cheat on Martine. 10 years. And you can’t keep it in your pants for 6 months…”

Amélie was about to respond but closed her mouth again. She let out a deep breath, knowing Gerard was right. If anything, Martine was in more danger during her mission than Angela ever was, the other medic being central to the relief efforts in Darfur. “I thought better of you,” Gerard said bitterly, moving towards the door again. “I was really hoping that Angie settle down with you, eventually getting myself adopted nieces and nephews. But now I know you’re scum.”

The words stung. She remembered the first time Angela introduced him to her, Angela begging Gerard to give her a chance, Gerard wary about his fellow countryman. “I was right not to trust you,” he said. “There was something that kept me from trusting you and I was right. For Angie’s sake, I’m going to give you a choice: tell her yourself or I will tell her for you.”

Amélie inhaled deeply. This was not how she pictured her holidays to be. “I…I’ll tell her when she gets back.”

“No. You’re not dragging this on,” Gerard said. “Angela deserves better than to be dragged around like this. She deserves to know why you did what you did before the New Year. She deserves a fresh start if it comes down to it…” She heard Gerard sigh, all the emotion leaving him, his voice now filled with sadness and regret.

“You weren’t there to console her when her father died. You weren’t the one she ran to when her mom kicked her out for liking women. You weren’t there for the numerous heartbreaks she’s had to endure to get where she is,” Gerard said, the hand gripping the door handle tightening further. “And you won’t be there for her for this one. You have until the 28th to tell her. Otherwise, I will tell her myself.” Amélie bit her cheek, willing herself not to cry. “I hope this Lena is worth it.”

“How…how did you know her name?”

Gerard chuckled, looking at the jacket that was still on the couch, “Angela told me.”

* * *

Angela watched as Fareeha pulled into the MSF parking lot, the soldier’s hair blowing lightly in the wind. The car stops, Fareeha smoothing out her hair as she put her beret back on, catching a glimpse of her in the window making her smile slightly. When it wasn’t returned, Angela frowned, mentally kicking herself for what happened earlier that day.

She let in a deep breath, counting to 5 before exhaling. Angela steeled herself for another interaction with the person she had long been in love with. What started out as an easy friendship between a medic and a soldier quickly turned into a hopeless crush when the woman, still very much green, threw herself in harms way to protect her from a wary bullet. Angela remembered yelling at her, telling her she was an idiot and that Ana wouldn’t have forgiven her for getting her only child killed.

Fareeha laughed then, the bullet graze safely patched up and telling her not to fret. That Ana Amari would have scolded her more before making her run laps around the base for her idiocy. The laugh had struck something in Angela, making her want to hear it more and more often. The crush turned out to be lingering, making her drop hints to the aforementioned older Amari as to where Fareeha might be and if she could be deployed there too.

Ana was no idiot, Angela knew that. The subtle smile Ana always gave her when she asked always made her cheeks red, especially when she was thanked for keeping an eye on her daughter. An eye…yes… Ana told her one day ever so casually that Fareeha had been asking about her, making her heart flutter. The older Amari explained ever so subtlety that she supported Fareeha in all endeavors, giving her a wink before she left the break room. The door opening snapped her out of her reverie, Hana coming out of her room all rested.

“Just in time, Fareeha just got here,” Angela said, giving the girl a reassuring pat on the shoulder. “Here,” she said, handing Hana a small paper bag she managed to find in one of the offices. “Some anti-nausea pills. It should help with the morning sickness. Don’t take any other pills or medication unless I’ve cleared it, okay?”

Hana nodded, tucking the paper bag into her own fatigues. “Thank you. For helping…and understanding.”

“It’s okay, Hana. Everything will turn out okay,” Angela comforted her. “Whatever you decide, I’ll help you with it.”

Fareeha stopped herself at the top of the steps, readying herself for what could be another cold reception from Angela. With a deep breath, she rounded the corner, noticing the two in a hug. “Ready to go Lieutenant?” Fareeha asked, getting a nod from the younger woman. Hana turned, giving her a smile before hugging her. Angela stepped back, not expecting the hug but hugged the girl back. She looked at Fareeha, whose eyes softened at the scene, giving her a smile. Hana let her go, giving her another whispered thanks before joining her Captain. “Wait for me here. I have to speak with the doctor quickly.”

Angela raised an eyebrow, motioning for her to come into the empty office. Fareeha followed quietly, Angela noticing the woman’s distinct smell that closely mirrored her mother’s office. However, Fareeha’s was more earthy, the smell of rain mixing in with the incense and spice. Fareeha closed the door slightly, turning to give her a small smile. “So?”

“She’s about 10 weeks along. Too soon to tell anyone still but she’s going to start to show soon,” Angela broke to her the news. Fareeha sighed, accepting the news with a small frown. “I’ll see what I can do about a discharge from service. She wouldn’t like it but she shouldn’t be here, not when there are a lot of risks out here for an expectant mother.”

Fareeha nodded, lip pressing together as she thought more of the situation. “I’ll speak to the Major about it. He will need to know eventually. I’d like you there, if possible, when I break it to him.”

“Of course,” Angela replied with a nod. Silence fell over them, the soft sounds of the reception’s radio coming through. “Listen, Fareeha, I...I want to apologize about earlier today.”

“You have nothing to apologize for. I was out of line,” Fareeha said getting ready to leave.

“You can keep a secret right?” Angela asked her, Fareeha stopping and turning to her. She nodded, leaning against the exam table again. She watched as Angela sighed, pushing her hair back from away her face. “I…I think Amélie is cheating on me.”

“What?” Fareeha asked dumbfounded. Anger boiled up inside her, with a mix of happiness. “Are you sure?”

Angela shook her head, hugging herself. “It’s a feeling. A really bad one. There was this strange jacket in our bedroom with a name stitched inside. We had a fight before I left for here, and she got me the flowers I hated. She played off all the questions I had to one of her friends,” Angela explained. “I…I really don’t know now. I want to trust her but…”

Fareeha moved to hug her, Angela letting her pull her in. She heard gentle sobs coming from the medic, Fareeha stroking her back lightly. “It could just be a misunderstanding,” she reassured, not really believing her own words. “It could be holiday stress. It could be a lie. But I know you,” she moved back, tipping Angela’s chin to look up at her. “And I know that you both will sort this out. You just need to talk about it. Don’t leave anything left unsaid.”

Angela nodded, stepping back to wipe the tears. “Thanks Fareeha.”

“Anytime,” she said giving Angela a chaste kiss on the cheek. “If she is cheating on you, then it’s her loss. You’re one hell of a catch,” Fareeha told her exiting the room and letting out a sigh. She wanted Angela to be happy, even if it wasn’t with her.

So why did the news of a potential break up give her such happiness?

Angela moved back to her room, slumping against the door as it clicked shut. Fareeha was right, she had to talk with Amélie. She had to face the fact that she and Amélie might be done for. That she had to confess to her that she’s in love with another, for the longest time now.

_In love with Fareeha long before Amélie came into her life._

Gerard’s words echoed in her mind, the same words that prompted her to accepting the offer, to leave for the other side of world. _I think you do. You just don’t want to admit it._

Angela sighed, noting the time and the date. She wasn’t going to get anywhere today, already the morning of Christmas in France. She pushed herself off the floor, making her way to the still packed suitcase to unpack the rest into its drawers.

Her hand hits something solid, confusing her. She moves the clothes on top to see a small, worn out box. She opened it cautiously, breath being sucked out of her lungs as she lets it fall on the ground. She sobs, the ring mocking her as it shines in the moonlight.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wanted the entire fight to be in French but I thought it would take away from the flow. 
> 
> Translations:
> 
> Réveillon - Christmas eve  
> Tais-toi - Shut up


	6. Silent Deception

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In this tug of war you’ll always win, even when I’m right

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'd like to take this opportunity to thank everyone for reading this. It was on a whim that I took hyogoko's prompt and the fact you guys seem to like the pain as much as I like to write it says something. 
> 
> Also, for clarity's sake, Hana is pregnant with Lucio's kid. It's not the main focus of the story so I'm not tagging them.
> 
> Anyways, enjoy chapter 6. 4 more to go.

Angela woke with a groan, a soft knock at her door making her curse at whomever has decided to wake her up. Her phone had fallen on the ground, screen still slid out. She picked it up, checking the last message again.

_It’s your choice, Angela. I can’t help you with it._

She frowned at Gerard’s response, not really helping her. She looked at the box on the dresser now, panic settling back in when another knock makes her turn back to the door.

“Coming,” she said voice hoarse from crying most of the night. She straightened her hair, opening the door slightly to see Violette at the door. “ _Joyeux Noël_ , Violette.”

“ _Joyeux No_ _ël_ , Angela,” Violette greeted back, holding up the platter of food. “It’s not much but here. Andre and I have a tradition and I thought you might want a taste of home.”

Angela looked at the simple breakfast of toast and honey. A warm cup of coffee rested at the corner, along with a small bag of Brunsli, Chräbeli and Schwabenbrötli. Angela couldn’t help but smile, taking the platter of food. “Thank you. Where did you get the cookies?”

“Andre’s parents sent him some. They were so worried they wouldn’t get here in time. He already ate all the Zimtsterne,” Violette said, laughing about her partner. “Well, enjoy. We have the day off so feel free to explore.”

“Thank you again,” Angela said, closing the door. She looked at the food and the ring box. She might as well enjoy the day and worry about the ring later. She opened the bag of cookies, taking in its smell, longing for home. Taking one of the Chräbeli, she bit into it and let herself be transported back to a happier time.

She ate in silence, thinking of home and what Amélie could have been doing. The ring brings itself back into her mind, the note telling her not to reply until she was back. _Do I want to go back…Do I want that?_ She asked herself. _If I go back, to Amélie , I’d always be thinking of what had happened. I need to know…_

The office phone rang, snapping her out of her reverie. She looked at the caller ID and frowned. “Dr. Ziegler speaking.”

“Angela. Sorry to bother you,” Morrison said from the other side. “Captain Amari is insisting on speaking with you.”

Angela raised an eyebrow. “And she can’t use her own phone?”

Morrison laughed. “I asked her the same thing. Here,” he said, his voice becoming more distant. “Fareeha, I don’t care. You or Song ask her yourself. I’m going to enjoy watching my movies. It’s my day off too, Captain. Reyes is in charge today, not me.”

Angela giggled, hearing the phone being pushed to Fareeha. “And how can I help you, Captain?”

“Uh…Hana wanted you to come with her to Church. She thought you might want to celebrate, despite everything,” Fareeha said into the receiver, Angela hearing a distant exclamation from the younger woman. “Then maybe dinner at the base?”

“I would love to,” Angela said. “If it’s Hana that’s asking.”

“I’m making dinner,” Fareeha clarified, Angela laughing at what she imagined to be a pouting Fareeha. “Hana says the mass is at noon.”

Angela looked at the time and nodded to herself. “Okay. I should be ready in a half hour.”

“I’ll tell her. Thanks Angie,” Fareeha said hanging up.

Angela let herself smile. Between the cookies and celebrating with friends, her Christmas was shaping up to be better than she had thought. She noted the time again texting both Gerard and Amélie a Merry Christmas before going to the showers to get ready.

* * *

Fareeha hung up the phone, earning a shove from Hana as she buried her face in her hands. “Really?”

“I panicked, so sue me,” Fareeha said pushing her hair away from her face.

Hana gave her an amused looked but sighed contently. “So you’re cooking dinner?”

“Yes. That I wasn’t lying about,” Fareeha admitted, looking at the young Lieutenant with a smile. “You got her a present too, didn’t you?”

Hana nodded, hand going over her stomach once again. “And for the record, I did want to go to church today. So I guess that wasn’t a lie either. Even after everything, I still have some things to be thankful for.”

Fareeha smiled and patted Hana’s shoulder. “Should get ready then.”

“You like her don’t you?” Hana asked as they exited the officer’s tent. Fareeha let out a heavy sigh. “How long have you liked her, if you don’t mind me asking?”

“5 years,” Fareeha said, making herself flinch at the time. “But she has a girlfriend so it doesn’t matter what my feelings are. I just want her happy.”

Hana gave her a hum of acknowledgement, thankfully dropping the conversation. They got dressed in their casual clothes, both giving each other an approving look before heading out. “Say, Captain,” Hana asked, falling in step with her.

“Just Fareeha today, Hana. I’m not your Captain today,” Fareeha corrected, earning a smile from the girl. “No ranks amongst friends.”

“I know you don’t celebrate but here,” Hana said giving her a crudely wrapped packet. “It’s not much but I know you have a thing for birds.” Fareeha opened the packet to see a small blue bird, beads covering the wood it was on.

“Thank you, Hana. You didn’t have to get me anything,” Fareeha said, just getting a shrug from the younger girl. The ride to the MSF build was filled with laughter, Hana telling Fareeha of what Aizad and Hanzo were fighting about again, what prank Major Reyes pulled on Morrison again and other different topics. Angela was already waiting for them on the curb, Fareeha noting the small bag she had with her. “Merry Christmas, Angie.”

“And Merry Christmas to you both. Thank you for inviting me,” Angela said, giving both of them an awkward hug from the back seat. “Where are we going?”

“The Cathedral,” Hana said, giving her a smile. “It’s one of the oldest in the region. It’s beautiful inside.” Fareeha knew the route well, taking Hana there every Sunday that they were able to get out to the area. “Keep close though, the area isn’t the friendliest.”

Angela took the advice to heart, especially when she saw Hana check her side arm. Fareeha noticed Angela look at her, giving her a frown as she moved her shirt down. “We’ve never had to use it, not once in the last 6 months. I don’t expect it today either.”

Fareeha kept her eyes on the road, the streets fairly busy with citizens going to mass. Fareeha noted the silence that fell upon the car. She looked back to see Angela looking out the window, taking in her surroundings. Port Au Prince was a mixture of cultures and it showed in the art, food and the people. The drive didn’t take long, Fareeha pulling into an empty spot near the entrance of the cathedral to park in. She watched as Angela looked at the Cathedral in awe; its white façade accented with pink standing out against the blue sky. “It’s beautiful,” she heard Angela say.

“The Archbishop himself is doing the mass, so we may be out of luck regarding seats,” Hana said with a frown. “You okay with standing for 2 hours, doc?”

“I’ve done 14 hour long surgeries. I’ll be okay,” Angela replied, following them closely. The mass was livelier than the ones Fareeha had previously attended. She wasn’t able to understand most of it but knew the motions enough from practice and watching Hana do it. She let the peacefulness sweep over her, taking in the amount of people at the church right now.

The Archbishop stood made his way to the pulpit, Fareeha watching as a hush fell over the crowd as he started to speak. She watched the crowds, eyes eventually falling to Hana and Angela as they took in the sermon with bored attentiveness. She noted the necklace on Angela’s neck, two of them, silver and gold, but the same motif. _Probably gifts from Amélie_ her mind told her. _You missed your chance. You can’t have her, not now. Not ever._

Fareeha shook her head rapidly, noting that people were starting to buzz around her again. The rest of the mass passes quicker than the beginning, Fareeha noting the pleased look on her companions faces as they left. “Oh yeah, here,” Angela said digging through her purse. Fareeha’s eyes widened at the sight of the cookies she’d long heard about from Andre. “Violette gave me some this morning. Thought I might share.”

“Andre told me he didn’t have any more of these,” Fareeha said taking one of the star shaped ones. “That liar!”

Angela laughed, offering the bag to Hana, who grabbed one of the brownies. “Violette said he ate all of one kind already. She managed to save some for me.”

“Have to remind myself to thank her,” Hana said between bites. “We have a couple more hours before Fareeha has to cook dinner. What do you want to do?”

“Oh so the Captain wasn’t lying to me when she said she was the one cooking,” Angela teased as they got back into the car. Fareeha pouted.

“Aww chin up, Cap,” Hana said poking her on the arm. “You can take the front seat, Doc. I’m good with sitting the back.” Fareeha glared at Hana who only smiled at her. It might have been a mistake to let the girl know her secret crush on the doctor. “Take the long way, Cap. We have time to spare. Maybe Michel’s is open too,” Hana suggested.

Fareeha rolled her eyes as she started the car. "Fine. But you're helping with dinner, Hana."

"Fine by me. You know I can handle spice," Hana said, getting in the back. Fareeha looked at Angela's horrified face and laughed.

"Not going to be that spicy, _habibti_ ," she said the nickname out of reflex, Angela raising her eyebrow at her.

"You said that last time," Angela reminded her making her glare at her.

Hana looked between them and smiled. "What happened last time?"

“I was visiting her in Egypt after her injury. She took me out to a restaurant and ordered for me. It was too spicy for me,”

“She ate 2 bowls of yogurt and was sick afterwards,” Fareeha said with a laugh, Angela pushing her arm.

“It wasn’t funny.”

“Yeah it was.”

* * *

Dinner passed quietly, Fareeha keeping her promise of not adding too much spice into Angela's dish. Hana was pulled away by Hanzo and Tariq for a game of football shortly after giving Angela her gift, a small love charm that matched Fareeha's from earlier. The two rinsed the dishes in peace, Fareeha offering to drive Angela back after the movie Morrison forced them to sit in on.

"What does _habibti_ mean?" Angela asked, making her stop in her tracks. "You keep calling me that for years now."

"Your curiosity hasn't gotten hold of you? I'm impressed," Fareeha joked, grabbing the keys for the staff car.

Angela shrugged; waving goodbye to the troops that continued playing their game as they entered the car. "Why should I Google it if I can just ask you?"

"Because I don’t want to tell you," Fareeha said, earning a pout from Angela. "I'll tell you what it means if you tell me why you call me S _chazti_ all the time." Fareeha noticed Angela bite the inside of her cheek, making her smirk "Not so confident now, are you, Dr. Ziegler?"

"Only because you're being a little shit, Captain Amari," Angela replied giving her a light shove on the arm. They pulled into the MSF building, Fareeha parking just outside the front steps. "Thank you for today. I needed it."

"Anytime."

"Here," Angela said pulling a wrapped present from her purse. "Open it."

"You didn’t have to get me anything," Fareeha told her as she opened the packaging.

"It’s the spirit of giving, Fareeha. Even if you don’t participate, I still hold you dear to my heart," Angela said waiting for her to open the gift. Fareeha smiled, noting the expensive looking watch inside. "Ana told me you broke yours. Hope it fits."

"Of course she did," Fareeha laughed, slipping on the watch, feeling its comfortable weight on her right wrist again. "Thank you."

Angela leaned in to kiss her on the cheek. “Anytime. Good night.”

“Night,” Fareeha said, watching her walk up the steps and disappear behind the door. She let out the breath she had been holding, feeling very over heated all of a sudden.

* * *

“Stupid, stupid, stupid,” Angela said, banging her head against the inside door of the main MSF building. The moment was right, and her mind froze at the sound of Fareeha’s laughter.

Her body moved automatically, leaning into for the kiss before she could even process it. _You’re in a relationship_ her mind yelled. _You think you’re being cheated on yet you’re playing games too. Hypocrite_.

Angela groaned, walking through the empty hallways to her quarters. This needed to stop. _Either you find out with Fareeha now and break up with Amélie or you go back to the woman who loves you but might be cheating on you,_ her mind reasoned. She looked at the clock and sighed, the ring box coming into her periphery again.

_Now or Never._

She looked at the clock and counted what time it would have been in Annecy. She picked up her phone and texted the first name on the list.

* * *

 Amélie sighed, shoving her brother away as he stuck his tongue out at her. “ _Connard_!”

“ _Salope_ ,” Luc replied, flipping her off. Amélie rolled her eyes, her phone buzzing with a text. _Skype?_ She read, a mixture of happiness and guilt overcoming her.

 _Definitely. Let me boot up the laptop. How’s Haiti so far?_ She texted, moving to the study to find her mother’s laptop. Amélie groaned at the background, opening Skype immediately to cover it. She waited a minute before it logged her in, smiling as she saw Angela’s name call her.

“Hi,” Angela greeted, hair out of its normal ponytail. Her clothes were more formal than usual, making Amélie raise her eyebrow.” _Joyeux Noël_.”

“ _Sch_ _öni Wiehnacte_ ,” Amélie responded, both of them laughing at their accents. Angela recounted how her first days were, showing her the packet of cookies she got that morning. “Sounds like you’re doing okay there.”

“Yeah. And you? Did you like your present?” Angela asked. Amélie nodded, showing her the bracelet on her wrist.

“It’s lovely. Mother is certainly jealous of it,” Amélie replied with a sigh. She regaled Angela of her day yesterday, forgoing the fight with Gerard. _Not yet…not today…_ Amélie sighed, remembering her conversation with her mother from the night before. “They worry about you, my parents,” Amélie  told her, earning a frown. Her parents, her mother in particular, approve of their relationship wholeheartedly. ‘ _It’s not every day you find a doctor, Amélie ’_ Claudia often reminded her. Her father would always give her a smile, telling her how proud he was of her and her doctor of a girlfriend.

 _If only they knew_ , she thought to herself. “Do they? I hope they’re not too worried,” Angela replied, stifling a yawn behind her hand.

“Out late?” she asked, noting the new pin Angela was sporting.

“Yeah. Fareeha invited me to Church with one of the troops. Also had dinner at the base with them,” Angela explained, Amélie finding herself glaring at the name mentioned. “Why are you glaring?”

“I’m not,” Amélie  replied, trying to put her normal calm façade back on. “So Fareeha cooked for you? She taking care of you then?”

“Why are you angry about that? Fareeha and I have been friends for years. You knew she liked to cook, I told you that,” Angela reminded her. “Also, it’s kind of her job to take care of me. She’s a soldier. I’m a field medic.”

“Is that why you left? To be with her?” Amélie  asked, her own voice coming out bitterer than she expected.

Angela’s eyes glared at her through the camera, “I left to help,” Angela bit back before sighing. “Trust is a two way street, Ami. Ask Morrison if you want the details of tonight. He’s the one who kept me at the base watching Christmas movies. Also, if you’re questioning my motivations for coming here, then tell me about the owner of that jacket without the bullshit.”

Amélie sighed. She knew she was right. “I’m sorry. I…I just miss you that’s all,” Amélie said, watching Angela deflate as well.

“I miss you too, Schäri,” Angela replied. “I know it’s hard but it’s only a couple more weeks.”

 _If we last that long…_ Amélie ’s mind told her, making her frown. “Amélie? Où es-tu?” she heard her mother call out.

“Ici, maman,” she called out, seeing Angela give her a small smile. “They’re back from the market. You should go to bed.”

Angela stifled a yawn behind her hand. “I should. Ami, listen...”

“Amélie,” Claudia called out again making Amélie sigh.

“We’ll talk more tomorrow. For longer, I promise. I have things to finish in Geneva but,” Amélie said, seeing the disappointment in Angela’s face.

“Not tomorrow. 28th. Too many things tomorrow,” Angela corrected, yawning once again. “Go. Before she comes in there and drags you by the ear.”

“I love you,” Amélie said.

“I do too,” Angela replied, hanging up. Amélie frowned, noticing that Angela didn’t say the exact words back. She tossed the laptop on the other side of the couch, remembering their fight before Angela left for Haiti.

“There you are,” Louis said, tossing her an apple. She gave her father a smile going back to her thoughts. “Trouble in paradise?”

“How did you guess?”

Louis shrugged, leaning against the door. “You’ve looked troubled since you walked in the door. You’ve smoked at least 2 packs in the last 2 days and you’re willing to risk your mother’s wrath by not helping,” the man pointed out. “Anything I can help with?”

“Can you correct past mistakes?” Amélie asked, staring at the ceiling. She heard her father sigh.

“No. Unfortunately not.”

* * *

Fareeha lay on her bunk, holding up the watch she had received. _She kissed me_ she thought. _It was on the cheek but she kissed me_.

“Captain, we’re ready,” Hana said coming into the tent. The girl was already in full gear, ready for their patrol of coastal slums just outside of the capital. Hana came around and gave her a look as she put the watch back on. “New watch. That from the doc?”

“Yeah. Gave it to me last night,” Fareeha clarified. “Let’s go.”

“She loves you, you know,” Hana commented, making Fareeha stop. “I’ve seen the way she is with you. It’s different. Even when she’s being professional, there’s just a different air when she’s with you.”

Fareeha’s hands clenched. “It doesn’t matter. She’s with someone else.”

“Doesn’t mean you can’t take a chance,” Hana replied. “The doc told me something that has helped me, even if my wounds are still too fresh.” Fareeha’s eyes move to the girls stomach, Hana shrugging. “The sooner we accept the truth, the sooner we can start recovering from the hurt and the pain.”

Fareeha let the words sink in before letting out a deep breath. “I don’t want to be the other woman. I want her to be just mine. I feel bad that she’s having relationship problems and I’m secretly cheering on its collapse.”

Hana’s eyebrow rose behind her helmet. “Fareeha…”

Fareeha inhaled, counting to 5 before exhaling again. The soldier inside her came back, façade turning cold in a matter of seconds. “It’s fine. I’ll get over it. Let’s go.”

Hana bit her lip, moving over to let her pass. “Yes Ma’am.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Translations:
> 
> Brunsli – Swiss Brownies. A traditional Christmas treat  
> Chräbeli – Anise Cookies. A traditional Christmas treat  
> Schwabenbrötli – Swabia cookies. A traditional Christmas treat  
> Zimtsterne – Cinnamon Cookies. A traditional Christmas treat  
> habibti - My love  
> Schazti- My treasure  
> Connard – Asshole  
> Salope – Slut  
> Joyeux Noël / Schöni Wiehnacte – Merry Christmas  
> Schäri – Dear  
> Où es-tu – Where are you  
> Ici, maman – Here, mother


	7. Shatter

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cause you feed me fables from your hand  
> With violent words and empty threats

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I feel like I have to preface this chapter by saying that this is work of fiction set in a real world scenario. Anything I write about the Peace Corps or MSF is non-factual (though I try to research them as much as I can). The plot is all made up but the ending scenario, what actually happens in Haiti, is 100% real.
> 
>  
> 
>  
> 
> **Warnings: Inaccurate medical analysis. Alcohol abuse. Lots of self-hate. Very angst heavy.**

Angela loaded the last of the supplies in the back of the truck, Andre holding out his hand to help her up. "Thanks," she said, taking a seat beside Hanzo. "Where is Captain Amari, Lieutenant?"

"She went ahead with the other group. Wanted to secure the site for your medical space," Hanzo replied, the truck making its way towards the remote town of Decayette. "We'll be there overnight doc. You okay with sharing a tent with the Captain and Song?"

"Should be. Let's hope they don't snore," Angela joked, earning a chuckle from Hanzo.

"Song doesn't. The Captain though," Hanzo trailed off, earning laughs from the rest of the soldiers. Angela remained quiet for the rest of the ride, taking in the sights of the Haitian country side, a weird feeling in her gut bubbling up.

When she and Amélie last spoke, she could feel her girlfriend's apprehension. She sounded tired, distant and mechanical. Like something was distracting her, keeping her mind elsewhere. _It’s Christmas,_ she rationalized. _She was busy family things._ Something kept biting at her though, gnawing at her conscience. She remembered the ring, the thing a constant reminder of her that Amélie was ready to settle down. With her.

Was she ready though?

Angela had thought about it, what it would be if she married Amélie. She knew she couldn't stay in the MSF forever, probably taking a job either at a local hospital or university. Amélie could stay with the MSF, though Angela didn't know if Amélie would stay with the company after she left. She knew they would stay in the city, Amélie 's tastes not really befitting the life of the country that she had grown up with.

Angela missed those days, being with her parents in their garden, finding animals to play with and helping take care of the animals they were growing. The farm was sold, that much she knew, shortly after her father died. Her mother remarried within a year, kicking her out within 2 years of his death.

She didn’t mind the city though, just what city they would end up in, was the question. She was partial of France and she would prefer to stay in Switzerland but knew Amélie would prefer her own country, especially the south. They were in Europe though, so visiting Gerard and Martine, wouldn’t have been a problem, just…less frequent.

She looked around her, the Haitian country side passing by her slowly. She thought of why she was here, who she was here for. Sure, she had told herself that she was doing this for the good of the people of Haiti, and out of the goodness of her own heart. But Angela knew she was also being selfish. She wanted to be with Fareeha, in more ways than she could have wished for. Could have possibly hoped for.

Fareeha, whose lips were always chapped, but looked incredibly soft. Whose laugh filled her with hope, but also with dread since it was a reminder it couldn’t be hers. She imagined a future with Fareeha to be one with a lot of compromise. She knew the other wouldn’t force her out of the MSF, nor could she force Fareeha away from the Peace Corps. Fareeha would, could eventually retired from service, but she knew deep down she probably wouldn’t.

But she was with Amélie. Amélie, whose temper flared at the slight inconvenience; Amélie who was clearly lying to her about someone, the email from Sombra putting a face to the name. Amélie, whose name now made Gerard pause every time they talked or Skyped. _You need to talk to them. BOTH OF THEM. Stop running from it._ Gerard last said, their Christmas Skype session still fresh in her mind. _You need to sort this out, Angie. The sooner, the better._

"You okay, doc?" she heard from across from her, Andre giving her a worried look.

"Fine, just thinking," Angela replied waving him off. She checked the time, noticing that only a couple of minutes away from the remote village. The drive was shorter than she thought it would have been, quieter than normal. Hanzo seemed tense beside her, the veteran soldier feeling the same way she did. There was something that was just…off.

Decayette was a small town by the lake, many of its citizens working in fishing or in the nearby sugar fields. The truck pulled up to the site, Fareeha and Aizad already there waiting for them.

"Doctor Ziegler, Doctor Thomson," Fareeha greeted formally. "This way. There are patients already waiting for you."

Angela nodded, taking supply bin she brought from Hanzo as she followed Fareeha closely. She saw the lineup, eyes falling to her and Andre, most of them sighing in relief. “Bakshi, go relieve Song in the front of that line up. I want her here with Kumaranthan beside the doctors at all time.”

Aizad nodded, jogging past them. Fareeha watched over her and Andre as they set up, Angela frowning at the foul smell that came through as the wind swept past the open area. “Sorry. It’s the cleanest and safest spot we could find,” Fareeha apologized.

“Not the worst conditions I’ve been in,” Angela admitted, finishing up her sanitation routine before nodding at Hana and Aravind. “Send the first patient in.”

* * *

“Then his death would be your doing!” Angela yelled, Fareeha doing her best to hold her back. “Your stubbornness is going to take your only son from you when I could help him and save him!”

“Away. All of you! Get out of my house!” the man yelled, his wife sobbing over their son’s frail body.

“Angela,” Fareeha begged, allowing herself to be pulled back to the truck. They had stopped into one of the smaller villages along the way back, Angela being begged to come to a house by a young girl no more than 7 or 8, carrying a young girl on her hip already.

The job was hard, Fareeha that knew from experience. It was never easy to be the one that had reveal to a family that their son, their youngest, didn’t have much time to live all due to the father’ stubbornness. Fareeha had told Angela about them, the father refusing all instances of help to get the boy to the capital for proper treatment. Angela had to be frank, the mother clearly wanting to take their help but the father refusing, saying something about voodoo and the spirits.

She remembered the look on the father’s face shift from stoic to rage, when Angela explained to him what was going to happen to his son if the bacteria continued to grow inside him. The boy was already suffering from pneumonia, Angela knowing it would only be a matter of days before the boy’s intestines gave out. The telltale signs of Typhoid Fever pointed to the contaminated water, Angela giving the boy’s mother some antibiotics for the ailing child before the father took it and tossed it out.

Fareeha sighed, Hana clearly shaken from the interaction. Fareeha motioned for everyone to get back into the trucks, Angela already disappearing inside one of them. “She…she takes that a personal loss doesn’t she?” Hana asked her, hand going over the fresh wound on her arm, the bullet graze still fresh in her mind.

“She always does,” Fareeha confessed, having seen Angela in that state more often than not.

“Talk to her. It seems like she’s carrying more tension than just the job,” Hana said, climbing into the truck, leaving Fareeha alone.

She moved to the truck Angela was in, motioning for Hanzo to go into the other truck with a frown. Andre was already sleeping at the end of the truck, face deep in the crook of his arm. “Hey.”

Angela shifted, tears still being shed from her eyes. “Hey,” she heard her greet back.

“It’s not your fault you know,” Fareeha said, sitting beside her. She hit the back of the truck, signaling Saleh to start driving, the trucks pulling out of the village in a row.

“I think it is.” She heard Angela whisper, wiping the tears away.

“It was the father’s decision to keep the boy there, Angela. We can’t force him to d-”

Angela surged forward, capturing her lips, Fareeha fighting every urge to deepen it. She pushed away, “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have…”

Fareeha beat down the incessant want to touch her, years of pent up longing urging her to give in. “I can’t. Not like this. Not while you’re still with Amélie.”

Angela nodded, moving to sit by Andre, the rest of the ride a lot quieter than before.

"Discharge? Why?" Morrison looked at the request, looking at the two women in front of him before looking back at the file. Angela looked at Fareeha who remained impressively stoic under the Major’s gaze. "Ziegler?"

"Lieutenant Song is 11 weeks pregnant," Angela said voice level when she finally turned to him. Morrison's eyes widened as she continued on. "She admits to having a romantic relationship with the Lucio, evidentially leaving her with child. She sustained a minor laceration when we were in Decayette, weakening her immune system. A discharge from service is the only way to ensure her and her child’s safely."

"And you knew this Captain?" Morrison said, glaring at Fareeha. Fareeha didn't flinch.

"With all due respect sir, Lieutenant Song's situation was only confirmed before Christmas. The symptoms of pregnancy showing up only days before Lúcio was murdered." Fareeha explained, Morrison listening intently. "Lieutenant Song has served with under my direct supervisor for 2 tours now, Major. 3 tours under you personally. She had done her job."

“You realize the KASF would want a full explanation as to why we are discharging one of their people, do you not? They don’t look at lightly” Morrison said, both of them nodding. “How bad is her infection?”

“Not bad. I want to keep her in the MSF building for the rest of her time here, as a precaution,” Angela requested, earning a nod from the Major.

Morrison looked at the papers, Fareeha already signing them ahead of time, Angela having signed off on the medical records before coming to see them. “Song leaves on the first flight to New York. From there, she can go back to Korea.” He checked the calendar on his desk. “I’ll arrange for the discharge and flight. That should be on the 5th. Dismissed.”

“Yes sir,” both of them replied at the same time. Fareeha leaving immediately for the showers. Angela sighed, making her way to the waiting jeep, hand clutching her phone tightly.

* * *

Amélie sat in the dark living room, snow falling outside at a steady pace. _Trust is a two way street, Ami_ Angela’s words echoed in her mind. She inhaled, the smell of the cigarette in her hands now filling the air of their apartment. _Their_ her mind repeated. _Yours and Angela’s._

 ** _Not for long_** _,_ another voice inside her head said. Amélie closed her eyes and leaned back against the couch. **_Do you really think she’ll stay with you? She’s not stupid. She’s a literal genius_** _._ She brought up the cigarette to her mouth, taking another long drag, allowing the chemicals fill her lungs.

 _She would be yelling at me right now, telling me to take it out to the balcony. Telling me this wasn’t good for me._ Amélie thought, exhaling. _Lena doesn’t care though. Lena would let you smoke in the apartment, even join you for some, especially after sex._

Her eyes snapped open, shaking her head as she tried to make the voices go away. She flicked the ash into the tray, picking up her glass of cognac to finish it off quickly. She grabbed the bottle, ready to pour some more before shrugging, taking the cap off to drink directly from it. She grimaced as the alcohol burned as it filled her throat. She looked around her. The apartment was bare when they first moved in, now it was filled with memories and clutter that was uniquely theirs.

At the corner was her old violin, sitting in its case on top of the bookshelf. Angela’s medical journals, countless of books, both fiction and nonfiction filled every possible spot on the shelf, another stack on the floor beside it. _We should really get another shelf_.

**_What’s the point? She’s leaving you anyways._ **

Amélie shook her head again, taking another swig of the cognac before putting out the now finished cigarette. She picked up the pack to light another one, fumbling with the lighter. “Fuck,” she said out loud, picking up the Zippo from the floor. _Wait…I don’t own a Zippo._ She flipped it over, noticing a custom insignia on it, fingers going over the obvious call sign on the logo. _Tracer…Lena…_

 _It took you 6 months to move in with Angela. It’s been 5 months that you’ve been with Lena.5 months of cheating on your loyal girlfriend, who at this moment is literally playing saint._ The voice inside her head said.

 ** _Or she could be cheating on your with Fareeha_** _,_ a different voice said, more bitter than the last one. **_She’s always been sweet on Fareeha._**

_They’re friends. They’ve seen multiple tours together._

**_And how are you sure that she’s not in love with her? You saw how Fareeha looked at her at the gala._ **

She remembered the gala well, for different reasons that she would like to remember. It was where it all started. But she also remembered the Egyptian captain, dressed in her military suit and rarely left her mother’s side. How she and Angela conversed with one another with ease, laughing at inside jokes and Fareeha’s terrible puns. She remembered the look of longing the Fareeha had played off as a headache before she excused herself. _Even if Fareeha was in love with her, she wouldn’t do anything. Angela sure wouldn’t._

**_You sure about that? You said the same thing about us yet here we are._ **

“Shut up!” she cried out, bringing the cold lip of the cognac bottle to her head. “I know…I know…”

Her eyes swept the room again. The snow fell harder now, the balcony covered with at least a quarter of a meter of snow. The walls, covered with paintings she bought from different areas of the word, were surrounded by pictures of them, from earlier in their relationship. Her eyes fell on the group picture, taken awkwardly by Gerard when the two couples all went to New York for the Pride Parade.

**_You’d be so alone if you break up with her. Everyone will take her side._ **

_They have all the right to,_ she admitted, taking another gulp of the bitter drink, following it with another long drag right after. _My friends aren’t in this business._

**_You could have stopped her. If you proposed to her earlier, she wouldn’t have left for Haiti. She would still be here._ **

_It was her choice to go. I didn’t really have a choice in the matter. She would have gone no matter what I did._ She thought in response.

The bitter voice scoffed, Amélie flinching unexpectedly at its harshness. **_You’re not an idiot. You know they could have sent Liao or Jasmine over. They’re both CDI too. Both more than qualified to handle a couple of weeks in Haiti._**

 _Jas’ father had just passed. Liao’s wife had given birth and this would have been the only time he would have to spend with his twins,_ the other voice reasoned.

 ** _Or Ana Amari knows and is purposely trying to set them up_** the bitter voice replied.

The voices warred in her head, Amélie letting them battle as she continued to drink. Her phone buzzed suddenly, silencing the voices as she saw who it was from.

_ Skype?  _

She looked at her reflection on the TV, hair disheveled and clothes askew. She laughed bitterly at herself, texting back before stumbling her way to the bedroom, cognac bottle still at hand. She looked at the phone, hesitating to pick it up, voices now back in her mind.

_Don’t do it. You’re not in a state to go through with this._

**_Do it. It’ll probably your last opportunity before Gerard tells her himself. He probably already did._ **

_Don’t. Think about this. You shouldn’t be making these dec_ -

Amélie shook her head, picking up the receiver and pressed redial, allowing the phone to place the call, the ringing silencing the voices in her head.

“Hello?” Angela answered, voice confused.

“Hi,” she said, trying to make her voice sound sober. “Hi Angie.”

“Amélie? I thought you were calling me through Skype,” Angela said, rustling in the background indicating she as moving. “How are you doing?”

“Good. Back in Geneva. You know the usual routine for New Years,” Amélie responded, trying to stall the conversation while she tried to sober up. “How’s the tour?”

“Frustrating at times, rewarding at other times. You know how it is.” Angela said, Amélie could practically hear her smile. “Lieutenant Song is injured. Several of the soldiers have the cold or the flu.”

Amélie hummed in acknowledgement, rubbing her hand against her eyes. “You wanted to talk?” she asked. “Back during Christmas, you wanted to talk about something but my mother interrupted.”

“I…Yeah. I did,” Angela said with a sigh. She could feel the tension in the air, Angela’s hesitation coming through when she spoke again. “Please be honest with me, Amélie.” Angela voice pleading, making it harder for Amélie to concentrate. “Please...”

Amélie sighed. She knew what this was, what this was leading up to. She took another sip of the cognac, resting the bottle’s lip on her forehead. _Now or Never…_ “I’ve been cheating on you.”

She hears Angela whisper oh, Amélie could hear Angela’s heart breaking. “How long?”

“Angela...”

“How long have you been seeing Lena Oxton?” Angela asked, voice louder but shaken, the name coming from Angela with a hitch in her voice.

Amélie breathed in, gathering herself before admitting how long she’s continued the affair. “5 months. I’ve been seeing her for the last 5 months. I kept telling myself that the last time was the last. Over and Over again I told myself. But I’m not strong enough, Angie. Not when you’re not here.”

Angela’s laugh is bitter, voice still shaken but with new determination in it now. “So all this time…” Angela trailed off. “You asked me to move in with you at 5 months,” Angela reminded her, Amélie hearing the resentment in the other woman’s voice. “You move fast, I give you that.”

Her defensiveness kicked in, Amélie’s grip on the bottle tightening. “Like you’re any better. Tell me, Angie. How long have you been in love with Fareeha?”

“Don’t bring her into this,” Angela threatened, Amélie laughing at the phone now.

“Why not? Emotional cheating is still cheating. You said so yourself in a paper you wrote,” Amélie said, taking another swig of the cognac. “She’s always been the one for you. You always put her in the forefront, even when she thousands of kilometers away. Did you ever love me as much as you love her? Did you?”

“Yes,” Angela yelled into the phone. “Every time I said I love you, I meant it. Every time I kissed you and screamed your name and held you, it was out of love. Fareeha doesn’t know. Didn’t know until this afternoon.”

“Didn’t?” Amélie asked, getting an indignant laugh from Angela.

“You don’t get to judge, Amélie. Yes, I kissed her. She pushed me away. You…You slept with Lena. Continued to sleep with Lena even to today. Why? Why did you do it?”`

“I…I don’t know.”

“Bullshit.”

“Fuck off, Angela!”

“You know exactly why you did it, now tell me. Was it the sex? Was it because she was younger? What was it?” Angela carried on, hesitation in her voice gone now.

Amélie groaned, lifting the bottle only to find it empty. “I was curious about her. No one could be that overconfident without their secrets.” She heard Angela scoff, choosing to ignore it to continue. “I told her multiple times that I was with someone. Yet…” Amélie paused, remembering the smell of Lena’s apartment, the look on Lena’s face when she sat on her lap, grin reaching her ears as she bent down of the kiss. “She persisted.”

“Is that why you’ve been more hostile to me?” Angela questioned, “You felt guilty that I was there, ruining your fun? That if you kept it up, you might be able to break up with me?”

“No! Never! I…”

Angela’s laugh was bitter. “You were the reason why I survived the CDI tours. You probably don’t care that you were the one, even from so far away; you were the one who kept me fucking sane over there. When I was being interrogated, all I thought of was you.”

“Angela I-”

“No,” Angela stopped her. “I should have brought it up when I was there, but I was stupid and in love. The jacket was one thing, but the flowers? Do you remember what I told you on our first date?”

Amélie thought back to the memory, the two of them walking on the boardwalk around the lake. Amélie remembered the rose, presenting it to Angela who wore a frown. _I don’t like roses,_ Angela said, still taking the flower from her. “I’m sorry, Angie.”

She heard Angela sigh, all the fight out of both of them. “I’m sorry too…” There was a pause between both of them, both knowing what this was. It was bound to happen, Amélie realized, the bitter voices in her head laughing at her.

“This is the end, isn’t’ it? Of us,” she asked, tears now welling up in her eyes.

“I think so,” Angela replied, voice low and shaking again. “I loved you. I honestly did.”

“Then give me another chance. Please…I can change,” she begged, the voices in her head laughing louder now.

“It wouldn’t be the same,” Angela said, choking on a sob now. “Even if I could forgive you, a part of me will never trust you the same way. I wouldn’t be able to get the feeling of inadequacy to ever leave me.”

Amélie listened as Angela continued, not hearing the words anymore. “I’ll send the ring back with someone. It’s still yours,” she heard, snapping her out of her trance. She had forgotten about the ring. Another lame attempt to keep the relationship from continuing.

“You’re not coming home?”

Angela laughed. “It’s not my home anymore. I don’t have a home…again…” Amélie heard her voice break. “I…I should go. It’s late over here.”

“Angela, wait!” the click of the phone hanging up met her ear, loud dial tone making her move away from the beeping. “Damnit…DAMNIT!” she screamed, tossing the empty bottle at the door. The apartment was suffocating, hints of Angela surrounding her. She needed some air. Needed something else.

**_Or someone else._ **

Amélie exhaled deeply, grabbing the clothes she had worn the night before, throwing them on hastily as she left the apartment in a hurry. It didn’t take her long to find a cab, being in no state to drive to where she wanted. Paying the cabbie a handful of crumpled notes, she buzzed Lena’s apartment, not getting an answer. She buzzed again, and again, tears forming in her eyes now.

“Amélie?” the Brit’s voice asked behind her, making her turn.

“Lena,” she said, noticing the giant of a woman beside Lena, smirking at her, arm wrapped around the smaller girl’s frame.

“Is this the one you were telling me about, little bear?” the woman’s voice, thick from Russia laughing at her.

“Yup,” Lena replied, popping the p in the word. “Don’t worry, Aleks. She’s not as fun as you are.”

“What…what’s going on here?” Amélie asked, dreading the answer she probably knew already. “Lena?” Amélie froze, mind taking slower to register the information. “You’re... you’re cheating on me…”

Lena laughed, Amélie registering the meaning but not the words immediately. “Oh Amélie. Did you really think I was only seeing you?”

* * *

Hana stood in the hallway, biting her bottom lip as Violette frowned beside her. They could hear Angela still sobbing, both of them hearing the last parts of the conversation since it had woken them up.

A loud crash from inside the room, followed by a string of curses Hana didn’t understand made her go on alert, Violette moving past her to go in.

“Angela, désole,” she heard Violette say before she heard a gasp. “Lieutenant I may need your help for this.”

She came in when she was called, the sight making her catch your breath. Angela lay on the floor, room askew and blood trailing from her wrist. “It’s fine,” she heard Angela say as they helped her up. “It’s only a small cut.”

“I’ll take her to the infirmary,” Violette said, Hana nodding as she started to pick up the broken plate and glass pieces.

“Hey Hana! Where are you? I got your stuff,” Fareeha’s voice echoed in the hallway, Hana mentally cursing herself as to why she asked her to bring some of her stuff here tonight.

“Fareeha, you need to leave,” Hana said, running out of Angela’s room. Fareeha looked at her confused, sneaking a peek before going back to her.

“Hana, what happened?” Fareeha asked, her voice coming out harsher than she’s ever heard before.

Angela and Violette rounded the corner, Angela freezing up at the sight of her. Violette looked between them both before ushering Angela back the same way they came.

“What happened, Hana?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 3 more chapters to go.


	8. Restart

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> And it’s sick that all these battles  
> Are what keeps me satisfied

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Apologies for the delay. With sickness, holidays and games/updates dropping, I haven’t really had much time to write. I also felt really guilty setting this in Haiti while there was a disaster going on there. Please, if you can, donate to the MSF directly at: http://www.msf.org/en/donate. They could really use your help in efforts in the ongoing disaster there.
> 
> **Warning: Mentions of human trafficking**

“Fareeha! Don’t!” Hana called out, chasing after the infuriated soldier.

“She hurt Angela…” Fareeha said, fists clenching. Hana sighed. This was not how she expected her night to be.

“I know, Captain. I care about the doc too but you can’t use what happened to get Amélie fired. You can’t act like a spoiled brat right now and use your mother’s position to get back at her for something that isn’t related,” Hana reasoned, stopping just in front of Fareeha.

“She hurt Angela,” Fareeha echoed.

Hana patted Fareeha’s arm, knowing that Fareeha wouldn’t like her answer no matter what she said. “And she’ll get what is coming to her. Karma is a bitch, you told me that yourself. The most you can do right now is to stay away from Angela, at least for a couple of days. Let her sort this out.”

“You want me to stay away when the woman I love is currently hurting?”

“Yes. You’re not going to help her right now. Please, Captain. Just let her sort it out,” Hana asked.

Fareeha groaned, giving her a curt nod before going back to the car. “Call me if anything changes. Also, tell Andre I may need him at the base to patch me up in the morning.”

“Fareeha…”

“Good night, Lieutenant.”

* * *

Amélie paced as the phone continued to ring on the coffee table. 2 days now, since they had the fight. 2 days since she’s been trying desperately to get in touch with Angela again. She looked at the wall clock, noting the time difference and turned back the way she came. _She might still be working_ her mind reasoned. _You’re in no state to talk to her when you haven’t slept in at least 24 hours. Get some rest._

Angela’s voicemail greeted her again, making her hang up once more, tossing the phone down on the couch. She couldn’t remember how many times she’s called, how many times she’s texted but all of it, even her emails, went unanswered. Amélie sighed, eyeing the dark, cloudless sky as the street lights flickered off below her. Geneva’s streets would soon wake up, filling with people rushing to get to work on the first Monday back from Christmas. She could hear the neighbours waking, soft cries from the baby to the apartment above them, the heavy footsteps of the child’s father echoing down to her. She looked at the time, fighting the urge to call once more or give up for the day. _It was nearly midnight in Haiti,_ she reasoned with herself _. Let her sleep. Try again when you wake up._

She wanted to laugh, knowing full well that even when she does wake up, things wouldn’t have changed. Amélie let out an exhausted sigh, forcing herself to the bedroom or another dreamless sleep.

* * *

Amélie sipped her coffee, eyes hidden behind the sunglasses she wore. She heard the door open and close, greetings coming from the servers, a reply coming from the new patron. She had woken up with the sound of crashing glass, Sebastien scrambling into the bedroom. The vase with the roses lay shattered in the living room, making her laugh bitterly. It was mid afternoon by the time she woke up, downing another set of painkillers before picking her up her phone to text the one person she trusted in these matters.

She had debated on calling Angela again after her rude awakening. The sun was setting behind her, she knew it but she didn’t care at that point. She sipped her coffee again, hearing the door open and close once more before she felt a familiar presence beside her.

“Hello, petit,” Louis greeted, sitting himself down across from his daughter. “Sorry I’m late.”

Amélie nodded, setting down her cup. “Thanks for coming, Papa.”

“Anytime,” Louis said, taking off his scarf and jacket. The server came around to take his order, Amélie smiling as he asked for the same thing he ordered whenever they were here. “Now tell me, little one, what have you done?”

“How do you know I did something wrong?” Amélie asked, not looking up to meet her father’s eyes. Louis chuckled, setting his elbows on the table.

“We are both creatures of habit, _minou_. You knew I would order,” Louis paused, gesturing to the empty spot in front of him.

“ _Un café au lait et 2 tartes_ ,” Amélie responded.

“And you, my sweet, would always come to me first when you get yourself in a jam. Ever since you were a child,” he reminded her. “So, tell me what happened.”

Amélie sighed. She eyed her own drink, her voice coming out as a whisper. “I messed up, Dad. I really did.” Louis waited patiently for her to continue, resting his hand under his chin. Amélie explained what happened, not looking her father in the eye as she explained her transgressions, stopping briefly when the waiter came with her father’s food. She was somewhat relieved that they were at the back of the café for this. She didn’t need the judgment of strangers bearing down on her right now.

“I see…” Louis said, setting down the teaspoon he had been using to stir his coffee. “I can’t offer you an easy answer for this, _minou_. Frankly, I’m very disappointed in you.”

Amélie flinched. “I’m sorry,” she replied, getting a pat on her hand. “How…how do I make it better? I’ve been calling her and she’s been ignoring me,” Amélie asked.

“It’s not something you can force. Give her space,” Louis suggested, getting a huff from his daughter. “I know you want to make it better for yourself but you will make it worst if you force this. Can you promise me that you won’t contact Angela until after New Year’s?”

“Oui, Papa.”

* * *

“Amari!” Major Reyes yelled from across the yard, making most of the soldiers turn to him, moving away as he stormed his way to the medical tent. Fareeha looked up from her position, bandage covering her left eye as Andre continued to patch her up. “What the fuck did you do?”

“My job, Major,” Fareeha replied, getting snickers from the other occupants of the tent. Reyes leered at her, Fareeha meeting the glare with her own.

“Your job includes beating civilians at the local gym?” Reyes asked her, not believing her for a minute. “You caused 5 major injuries at the local gym, with at least 10 more minor ones. Not to mention your own injuries,” Reyes shouted. “What you did down there can be subjected to a court martial and an inquiry by the UN.”

“It was illegal gambling ring and boxing match, Major. Those I injured were the leaders of the operation: all of them convicted before,” Fareeha said, standing up to meet her superior eye to eye. “And I believe that boxing is part of the training regiment, Major. You said so yourself.”

Reyes bristled. “And what am I supposed to tell the higher ups as to why you were there, off duty?” Reyes challenged.

“I was investigating a lead. Something I did on my own time. They can court martial me but I do not regret my actions this afternoon, Major. I stopped them. I stopped them from something far worse than illegal gambling.” Fareeha answered, eyes going to the adjoining room. Reyes moved toward it, eyes widening when he saw the children inside. “They’re the missing children from Jacmel, sir. You and I have done this job for years. You know what would have happened to them.”

Reyes sighed, nodding in understanding. “You’re to stay on base until the New Year, Captain. Relegated to paper work and escort only to and from the bases. I’ll handle this.”

“Thank you sir,” Fareeha said, watching him leave. Andre stood beside her, giving her a pat. “Thanks Andre.”

Andre inhaled deeply. “I will cover for you just this once, since you did save those kids. But for the love of God, Fareeha, don’t go picking a fight with a gang because of a situation you can’t control.”

* * *

Amélie rubbed her hands together, the chill of winter making her wish she brought a thicker set of gloves. She buzzed the apartment again, hoping that this would work. “Oui?” she heard from the intercom.

She took a deep breath. “ _C’est moi,_ ” Amélie replied, “Martine please let me in, I can explain.” The door clicked, granting her entry into the building. She shook off the snow that accumulated on her jacket as she made her way up the stairs. She made her promise to her father, but she never made a promise about getting someone else contact Angela for her.

She stopped herself at the landing, eyeing the Lacroix apartment at the end of the hall. Gerard and Martine had been Angela’s friends for a long time, Gerard especially. She used to envy their closeness, not really having the bond they had with any of her own friends.

Mustering up the courage, she walked down the hall and knocked on the apartment door. It flew open immediately, a fist connecting right to her face, flooring her. “You have some nerve!” Martine growled from above her. “Some nerve to even show up here after what you’ve done!”

“Martie!” Gerard said, pulling his wife away from the door. Amélie shook her head, noticing the Skype call behind the couple, Angela’s eyes still wide from what she witnessed. “What do you want, Amélie?”

“Just...let me talk to her, please?” Amélie asked, Martine glaring at her again. Gerard shook his head, knowing Angela could see them through Skype.

“You’ve done enough damage, Moreau,” Martine said, holding Mathieu back from approaching her. It stung, the confused look on the boy whom she had known since his birth. Mathieu tried coming towards her again, only to be stopped once more. “Leave or I’ll give that black eye some company.”

“Gerard, please,” Amélie begged, eyes going to the computer screen. “I’ve been tryi-”

“We know,” Gerard cut her off, leveling her with a glare. He motioned for Martine to take Mathieu to the next room, allowing her in the hall. She could see Angela watching the scene, not knowing if she could hear the conversation at all. “You want to know why she’s not answering your calls? Because we’ve been talking to her. For the last 2 days, we’ve been consoling her. Non-stop. You’re lucky that my son is awake right now, otherwise I wouldn’t have stopped her.”

“I know I messed up. I really do. But please, let me talk to her,” Amélie begged, tears filling her eyes again. She noticed the screen was blank now, Angela disconnecting the call. Gerard followed her gaze to the desktop behind him, only noticing then that Angela had disconnected.

Gerard looked back at her, shaking his head. “If you truly loved her, then you will let her go,” he suggested, sticking his hand out to help her up. “You’ve done enough damage. Let her go.”

“I can’t…”

“You will,” Gerard said, leveling her with a leer. “I’ll make sure of that.”

* * *

Angela paced around her room, palming the bandage on her hand. It was a reminder, a physical reminder, of what happened days ago. Seeing Amélie just then, pitiful and whimpering at the doorway made her feel awful. The lingering feelings welled up as she watched Martine yell at her former girlfriend.

She remembered when she had called the couple, sobbing as she broke the news of the breakup. Gerard bit his tongue as his wife went ballistic, threats coming out in 3 different languages. She had heard every message, read every email and text but it didn’t change anything. Not that she thought anyways. “Angela?” Hana asked, knocking at her door at the same time.

“Sorry, didn’t hear you there,” Angela said, turning to the young Lieutenant. “You were saying something?”

Hana nodded, eyeing her curiously as she held out the magazines. “I said I was done with these. Did you want to read them?”

“Oh sure, why not, Thanks,” She replied, pacing once more. She could feel Hana watching her, making her stop again. “I’m fine, Hana.”

“No, you’re not. It’s only been two days,” Hana said, leaning against the door frame. “I heard her voice. She was talking to your best friend right?”

“You heard that?”

“Not really being quiet about it, doc,” Hana motioned to the open door. “I’m worried about you. Fareeha is too. Fareeha worried is a reckless Fareeha, you told me that yourself.”

She had heard from Andre what happened earlier that day, how Fareeha came in bleeding, eye positively swollen from repeated punches as she escorted a group of young girls into the camp’s infirmary. She wished she was the one there, patching her up like she always did but she couldn’t stand Fareeha’s presence. Not now. Not when she felt guilty for emotionally cheating on Amélie with the other woman.

Hana patted her on the shoulder, giving her a reassuring smile. “If you want to talk, I’m here. I can’t give you advice since that’s more of your thing but I’ll lend you an ear. It’s the least I can do.” Hana made a move to close the door, turning back slightly as she remembered something. “By the way, you’re invited by Major Morrison to the base tomorrow for New Year’s. Major Reyes is going to come get pick us up himself.”

The click of the closing door made her turn her attention back to her laptop. It has only been two days since their fight. Of doubting if it was the right decision. Even with Gerard and Martine’s constant reassurances that it was, she still had her doubts. Two days that she had to slip on the mask of a professional psychiatrist, going about her business like she wasn’t crumbling on the inside. She continued with the counseling sessions with the troops still affected by Lucio’s death, most of them having come to terms with the medic’s death even before she sat down with them. It was only during her time alone did she let the mask fall, falling asleep from the constant stream of tears soaking her pillow.

She knew, logically she did, that this was normal for someone who was grieving. That she was going to doubt herself even though it was the right thing. The feelings she had to process was a stepping stone to recovery. She had written a paper on it, but at this point…she didn’t care for logic.

Angela stared at the phone, debating with herself whether or not to go through with the call. The feeling of guilt, voices inside her head arguing that it wasn’t fair to use Fareeha as a crutch, not at a time like this.

Logic had won out, to her relief. She sighed, flopping down on the bed, fingers playing with the gift Hana had given her for Christmas. She shifted herself to stare at the ceiling, wondering if she could rewind time to when it didn’t hurt so much. When things were less complicated than it was now.

When she and Fareeha was still in the Congo.

She smiled at the memory; the rare time that she and Martine were deployed together. Martine had already known Fareeha, the woman conveniently forgetting to tell her that the younger soldier was their director’s offspring. How she berated the grinning woman for being careless on the field, getting nearly blown up by a landmine all because a puppy had ran past the barbed wire.

She remembered how easily she became friends with her, both of them spending most of their free time with each other than anyone else at the camp. They had to be careful though. Professionalism aside, Sudan wasn’t the friendliest to them. Fareeha, the one time she wasn’t part of her escort detail, had nearly throwing a chair at the man who broke the news of Angela’s injury. She remembered reassuring the soldier that she was to live.

Why it took her years to figure out that Fareeha has liked her, she didn’t understand. It was there, in hindsight, but she had been too blind to see it. She knew that now, even before she had met Amélie that Fareeha had been in love with her. Would she have changed anything? Maybe… Not that it mattered now.

She looked over to where the ring box still sat, a pang of guilt creeping up again. The fact she actually felt happy about the breakup, made her panic. She was single again; free to pursue anyone she really wished to. The image of Fareeha came to mind again, making her blush and groan.

She felt tired suddenly, lifting her glasses to the top of her head so she could rub her eyes. In less than 24 hours, it would be a New Year. It would be a chance to start over. Angela yawned into the back of her hand, putting her glasses on the dresser before letting her eyes flutter close. For the first time in days, not crying herself to sleep over what had happened.

* * *

Angela allowed herself to smile, watching as Hanzo and Aizad both tried to balance basket on top of their fingers. The base was lively, much like how it was during Christmas but the air was different. Hana sat nearby, talking to Andre and Reyes laughing at possibly another one of the Major’s jokes.

She looked around to see Tariq and Fareeha talking to some of the Nepalese soldiers, many of whom she didn’t know the name of. Violette stirred beside her, letting out a groan that made her smile. Even for a native Frenchman, she couldn’t last the in the drinking contest, her husband taking top prize with ease. She stroked the woman’s back, noticing that Fareeha was coming towards her.

“Mind if I join you?” she asked, Angela nodding as she moved over a bit. They sat in silence, hearing the sounds of fireworks off in the distance. “How are you feeling?”

“Should be asking you that,” Angela said, noting the cast and bandages.

“I’ve had worst.”

“I know you have,” Angela commented, making Fareeha smile. “Ana would be proud of what you did, you know. Livid but proud.”

Fareeha offered her a smile, fingers playing with the tip of the cast. “Angie, I kn-”

“Not yet,” Angela cut her off. “I’m not ready to talk about it with you yet.”

“It’s almost time!” Hanzo called out, checking his watch. “15 Minutes!”

Andre came around, Angela relinquishing the care of the drunk medic to her husband. “Thanks for watching her, Angie. I think I should head back though. She doesn’t look too good.

“ _Va te faire foutre_ ,” Violette slurred out, accent thicker than normal. Fareeha and Angela laughed, Andre kissing her on the temple as he hoisted her up some more.

“I’ll drive back,” Fareeha offered, digging the keys out of her pocket. Angela got up too, Fareeha raising an eyebrow at her. “Not going to stay for the fireworks?” Angela shook her head, moving herself to hold up Violette from the other side.

“Booooo! You’re not staying?” Aizad asked, noting the group move towards the jeep. Hana looked at them, worried but Angela smiled at her.

“I’m too tired,” Angela admitted, not really wanting to explain herself, getting a frown from the commander.

“Leave the doctors alone, Aizad. Let them rest,” Gabriel said, giving the younger man a light shove. “See you in the morning then, docs.”

“Don’t get too drunk now,” Angela said, getting smirks in return. “You going to be okay, Hana?”

“Yeah. One night at the base won’t hurt.”

Fareeha snorted, starting the car. “We’ll see about that when you’re the one taking care of these idiots, Lieutenant.” They drove in silence, only the sounds of fireworks filling the air between them. Violette groaned, snuggling closer to Andre as they reached the MSF building a few blocks away. Andre nearly tripped getting out of the Jeep, Angela rolling her eyes as she tried to stabilize her friend.

“How much did you drink, Andre?”

“More than her, but not enough,” Andre smiled at her. “I’ll be fine.”

“Maybe, but I don’t trust you on helping your wife up those steps,” Fareeha said, moving behind Violette to pick her up. Angela felt a pang of jealousy as she watched Fareeha carry Violette up with ease, Andre holding the door for them to pass through. She set the woman down in the lobby, Andre taking hold of her as the disappeared into their quarters.

Fareeha turned to the clock, noticing that it was nearly midnight. Angela had seemed to notice too. “I should head in. Thanks for the lift,” Angela said, turning down the hall to her own room. Fareeha inhaled, grabbing Angela’s wrist to pull her back. The clock hit midnight, fireworks sounding loudly outside as she leaned down to kiss the stunned Angela on the lips. Angela’s hand moved to her hips, taking the opportunity to deepen it as she pushed the medic against the wall.

What felt like an eternity passed as they pulled away from each other, Angela’s lip slightly bruised as they both gasped for air. Fareeha hovered above her, eyes cloudy when the realization hit the soldier of what she just did. “I…Sorry,” she stuttered out, running out the building immediately, leaving Angela in the hallway, dazed and confused.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Translations:
> 
> Va te faire foutre - Go fuck yourself
> 
> 2 more to go.


	9. New Beginnings

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> So maybe I’m a masochist,   
> I try to run but I don’t wanna ever leave

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the delay. Family tragedy, lots of games coming out that needed to be played, season 2, halloween, more games...the list was endless but it’s finally done. Thank you for your patience guys. You are all the best.

“Oui,” she replied, nodding her head to no one. “Thank you, Ana. I’ll see you on Monday. Au revoir.” Amélie sighed, flipping the screen to the one she was looking at before Ana’s phone call. She sat in front of the computer, hand ghosting over the mouse. Her mind screamed at her not to press it…

She looked at the computer screen again, the flight out of New York to Port Au Prince making hesitate on closing the window. She had to speak Angela again, and now, with this new opportunity, she might actually be able to. To see Angela again.

To win her back.

Amélie eyed the screen, hand over the mouse, clicking the accept button before shutting off her screen.

* * *

Angela lay on her bed, hand ghosting against her still bruised lips. She could still feel Fareeha’s presence, the kiss replaying over and over in her mind. She had already spent the last few hours mentally yelling at herself for deepening the kiss, for allowing it to even happen when she should have known better. That she, a world renowned doctor and a trained psychiatrist, really should know the effects of impulsive decisions and the length of healing when it came to a break up.

Yet…

Did she regret her decision? Absolutely not.

Was it the wisest decision she’s made? Angela chuckled to herself, thinking of the lies she fell for when she was still with Amélie and concluded that, no, the kiss wasn’t the worst decision she’s ever done.

She liked Fareeha. She has for numerous years. Even before Amélie came into her life, there was a definite pull Fareeha had on her. Why she didn’t act on it before, Angela laughed at herself some more. She could still remember Gerard laughing at her as he showed her the drunken email of how Fareeha was the perfect specimen in great detail. How she managed to write 13 pages complete with scientific explanations while drunk on Merlot she didn’t know but Martine was genuinely impressed by her thesis and analysis.

Angela turned over, eyes readjusting to the faint moonlight, wondering if Fareeha was doing the same as her right now. She would have to talk to Fareeha about this. She knew it was a subject they would eventually need to talk about but the kiss pretty much fast tracked the conversation. With a sigh, she turned to her side and attempted to sleep once again.

* * *

Fareeha entered the mess hall, moving with practiced motion before settling herself down at her usual eating spot. The morning’s rations somehow tasted worst, even if it was the same thing they ate every day, with a variation on the meat. She sighed, pushing at the lump of what the cooks dared to label as eggs before Hana settled herself in front of her.

“Rough night?” Hana asked, Fareeha shrugging slightly as an answer. She could feel Hana judging her, making her keep her eyes on the plate in front of her.

“Amari. Song,” Major Reyes greeted them, both of them responding politely. “I assume you’re driving Song back to the MSF base, Amari?”

“Yes sir. After her meal,” Fareeha replied, a big yawn coming out of her after she finished her sentence. Reyes laughed, patting Fareeha on the shoulder as he walked away.

“You look like shit, Amari. Maybe you can talk to Zeigler about giving you something for that,” he said as he joined Morrison and Shimada at their table. Fareeha tensed, Hana catching her as soon as the doctor’s name was mentioned.

“What happened?” Hana asked, setting her fork down. “Fareeha...” Fareeha shook her head, eyeing the door as she got up to leave. Hana finished her ham quickly, discarding her own plate to follow Fareeha out to towards the cars.

Fareeha sat herself in the driver’s seat, burying her face in her hands as she heard Hana close the door. “I made a mistake,” she mumbled out.

“I gathered, that captain,” Hana said, no hint of malice in her voice. “Whatever you did, you need to talk to Angela about it.” Fareeha let out a sigh. She could still feel Angela’s lips on hers, how Angela’s hands felt on her hips, the low moan the other let out when she bit on her lip. She let in a deep breath, counting to ten before letting it go.

It was a mistake.

She made a mistake.

Allah, what she would give to feel Angela’s lips on hers again.

She remembered her thought process through it all, followed by the sheer panic that set in after she had pulled away. The restless night that followed made her thankful for the couple days off, mentally congratulating her past self for the wise decision.

She snapped back to reality, with Hana just watching her patiently as she refocused her mind to the present. “Talk to her, Fareeha,” Hana said, “I’m sure she’d want to talk to you about it too.”

“Yeah…” Fareeha replied, not really trusting herself to say more than that.

The car ride was quiet though Fareeha could feel Hana looking at her in anticipation. Fareeha could feel the question hanging and only when they saw Angela standing at the top of the steps was it clear to Hana what happened. Hana patted her on the shoulder, whispering her a thank you before exiting the car.

Angela was there. Angela was waiting for her.

Panic set itself in again as she forced herself to look away from the other woman. Locking the doors, she drove off again, not bothering to look back until the hospital was clear out of view.

* * *

The airport was surprisingly still packed, Hana checking her bags again to make sure she didn’t forget anything. Angela watched as she counted her duffels, the life of a peace keeper officially over for the young woman. “You’ve counted them 4 times already, Liebchen. I think they’re all still there.”

“I just don’t want to forget anything,” Hana replied, settling across from her. She looked around and found no signs of Fareeha or Saleh, the two deciding to get them snacks as they waited for Hana to board. “Thank you, by the way. For everything.”

“Don’t mention it, Hana. It was a pleasure to have served with you,” Angela replied, smiling broadly at her companion.

She looked around again, Hana following her gaze when she spotted a familiar looking woman in the crowd. “Give her time, doc. You should still heal too. It hasn’t even been a week.”

“I know it’s just,” Angela said, cut off as Saleh gave her a bottle of water. “Thank you.”

“You’re welcome. Sorry, doc. Major Morrison asked me to come back to base right away. The captain will drive you back,” Saleh apologized, Fareeha looking uncomfortable at the situation. “Unless Fareeha wants to clean the men’s latrine, of course.”

“I’d rather volunteer to be on duty the same time as Faizal AND McGuinty than do that,” Fareeha muttered, earning a laugh from both Hana and Saleh. “We’ll be fine. Go.”

Saleh waved as he parted, having given Hana a long hug before going. Hana seemed anxious a tense silence between them filling the air. “Look,” Hana said getting up to stand by Fareeha. “You’ll hate me for this but I asked Major Morrison to call Saleh back.” Angela gapped at Hana while Fareeha tensed some more. “Can you blame me though? You two are acting like idiots. Really big ones at that. So do me a favour and talk. Please. Think of it as a present to me.”

Angela watched as Fareeha visibly gulped, giving her a nod. “We’ll talk in the car. I promise,” Angela reassured, making the younger woman smile. The call out for her flight sounded over the PA system, Angela getting up to hug her. “Be safe, Hana. Don’t forget your check ups and I want pictures. Lots of them.”

“You got it doc,” Hana replied, turning to Fareeha who engulfed her in a massive hug. “Keep ‘em in line, Captain.”

“Of course,” Fareeha said, ruffling Hana’s hair as she let her go. Hana pushed the arm away, glaring at Fareeha who smirked at her. “You’ll call me when you land in New York, yeah?”

“For the 3rd time, yes,” Hana replied, rolling her eyes at her former Captain. “My friend, Satya is picking me up, letting me stay with her for a bit while I meet up with Lucio’s family. I still can’t believe I’m meeting them.”

Angela gave her a reassuring pat on the shoulder. “They deserve to know. Besides, they’re really nice and pretty much begged me when I broke the news to his sister.” Angela handed over Hana’s carry on, giving Hana one last big smile. “Send the ring back too, okay? The address is on the letter with it.”

Hana nodded, turning towards the gate to board the flight. “Stay safe you two.”

“Bye Hana.”

“Be safe, kiddo,” Fareeha said, waving. Angela watched with fondness as Hana passed through the line, disappearing into the tunnel before turning towards the exit. She could hear Fareeha behind her, the soldier’s heavier footsteps coming out more like a march than anything.

They stopped at the parking lot, Fareeha not meeting her in the eye as she fished out the car keys from her jacket pocket. “I can walk back. It’s not that far,” she offered, Fareeha letting out a deep sigh.

“No. It’s my duty to keep you safe,” Fareeha said, “And I’ll protect you no matter what.”

Angela didn’t press the subject, sitting herself in the passenger seat as Fareeha made her way around to the driver’s side. The sun had set a long while ago, many of the stalls they passed still trying to sell wares before turning in.

Fareeha turned the corner, the MSF building looming in the distance. It was now or never, Angela thought.

Silence hang over them for a few minutes, before Angela sighed. “I have no regrets of what I did,” she said as the car pulled into the driveway. “I can’t take it back, nor do I want to. When you want to talk, you know where to find me.”

Angela grabbed hold of the car’s handle, Fareeha’s mind screaming at her to stop the doctor from leaving.

“I love you,” she blurted out, stopping Angela as the door opened. “I always have. Since I first met you, all those years ago. When you smiled at me, I knew you were the one, as foolish as that might sound. I was an idiot to have taken so long to come to terms with my feelings for you. A bigger one not being able to let you go when you were already taken,” Fareeha paused, wiping the tears with her sleeve, voice hitching as she continued. “But I still do. Even if you don’t want me to, I would still love you.”

Angela remained silent as she continued to pour her heart out. “Do you know how long I’ve waited to do that? To kiss you? I’ve imagined so many scenarios, one being of New Years, just like this…” Fareeha’s hands trembled, Angela hearing her catch her breath before continuing. “And now, out of instinct, for the sake of a stupid tradition I don’t even believe in, I did it.” She noticed Angela’s hand grip the door handle tighter. “Please…if you really do love me, let me go. Release me from this. Tell me you don’t want this. I can’t take much more of this, Angie. I want you…but not when you’re still hurting.”

“No,” Angela replied, door closing once again. “I can’t let you go. I can’t do that. Not when I want you too. Not when I…”

Fareeha leaned over to kiss her, soft and chaste, tears still coming out of her eyes. “Please…”

“Fareeha...” Angela pleaded voice barely above a whisper. “You’re not a fool. You’re not an idiot. Your timing, as awful as it might be, was welcome.” Angela moved her hand to lift Fareeha’s face, the soldier still not looking at her.

“Yes, I am hurting. But I’ve come to realize that I shouldn’t dwell on what has happened when something better was in front of me,” Angela said, wiping the tear away. “I’m sorry for being blind to your feelings. I’m sorry that it took me so long to realize them, at the worst possible time. But thank you. For loving me. For not giving up on me. For being there when I need you to.”

Tears fell freely from their faces now, Angela resting their foreheads together as they let the crickets fill the air around them. “Stay with me, please. Just for tonight. Let’s talk. Let’s get through this like adults.”

Fareeha sighed, setting the car in park. “We do have a promise to uphold,” she joked, wiping Angela’s tears with her thumb. “Will you make me hot chocolate?”

Angela placed a kiss on her cheek, a small one as she exited the car with a smile. “Of course.”

* * *

Fareeha woke slowly, eyes adjusting to the darkness that filled the room. She felt exhausted, her mind slowly remembering the events of the previous day. She looked around the room, noticing that it was one of the unused doctor’s rooms, previously Lucio’s judging by the leftover knickknacks on the window’s ledge.

A soft knock comes from the door, Angela appearing in the same oversized shirt she loved to sleep in, holding two cups of coffee. “Hey.”

“Hey,” she greets back, pulling her legs in as she sat up.

“Just woke up?” Angela asked, passing her over the cup

“Yeah. I should report where I am,” Fareeha said, giving her a smile. “So…”

“So…” Angela mimicked, getting an eye roll from Fareeha.

“Mimicry isn’t flattering, Doctor,” Fareeha teased, taking a sip out of her coffee. Angela had remembered her preference; just a teaspoon of sugar.

“And puns are for children, Captain, yet you seem to excel in that field,” Angela teased.

“You laugh at most of them,” Fareeha pointed out, earning a laugh. “Seriously though, we’re good?”

“We’re good,” Angela repeated. “Back to how it was before, just…more open with our feelings.”

“As open as we can be here,” Fareeha reminded her, taking a bigger sip of her coffee. Angela hummed in acknowledgement. “You sure you want to stay here, with me?”

Angela smiled at her, Fareeha’s breath hitching at the softness of it. “No place I’d rather be than with you.” Fareeha smiled back, taking another sip of her coffee, warmth filling both her body and soul.

* * *

Amélie shut the door to the board room quietly, nodding as she passed Sylvia and Kimiko to stand by the wall. Ana was already seated at the head of the table, talking animatedly to Gerard. Ana waved at her, Gerard looking back to see her and she stiffened.

From what she knew, no one knows of her breakup. No one except 2 of the people in the room. Martine hadn’t seen her yet, busily talking to the small group of doctors actually gathered in the boardroom as well.

Ana cleared her throat, getting the attention of everyone in the room before smiling at them. “Welcome back,” she greeted, a chorus of hellos coming from everyone in the room. “I’ll try to make this brief, seeing as everyone needs to be somewhere else today.”

Ana listed off a couple of changes to the team, thanking Sylvia for her work in IT and they were sad to see her go back to school. Sylvia shrugged at the corner, picking through her nails but Amélie felt the sadness from the girl. She was a good kid, with a promising career in computer science. Amélie snapped her attention back to Ana when she heard the whispers start.

“And as for Haiti. We know Angela, Violette and Andre are there holding it down. A full team of 7 will go there to relieve them on Jan 13, officially starting on the 14th. Martine is the leader in that one,” Ana announced. “Violette and Andre come back to be placed on a different team after a much needed break while Angela has requested to stay on the Haiti team. She’ll take a 2 week break starting Jan 14 and will officially start with them at the end of January.”

“Nothing is going to get done, Ana. Not when you put Martine and Angela on the same team,” Davide joked, earning laughs from the most of the people in the room.

“One last thing; Amélie is going to New York, starting on the 9th. She’s going to help them out for a year, since Cynthia is going on maternity leave. She too will take vacation from the 14th and officially start in New York at the end of the month.”

Kimiko turned to her with a smile. “Any plans with Angela while you two are on vacation?”

Amélie shook her head, gauging Gerard’s and Martine’s reactions. She could see the couple’s jaw tense but neither said anything. “Just to get a tan. Relax and not think about the work. Mauritius should be lovely this time of the year, no?”

Kimiko nodded, Sylvia saying something to make her turn back to the girl. Amélie sighed, eyes connecting with Martine’s who glared at her some more. The team announcement was going to complicate things. It really would.

She checked her phone again, the ticket from New York to Port-Au-Prince reminding her of her decision to go find Angela. She looked back up, challenging Martine, telling her without words that she hasn’t given up on Angela.

She can’t. Not until they talk again.

* * *

Residents busied themselves as they gathered the belongings that fell. Angela smiled at the last patient she had, a little girl who was unfortunately hit by a large pot that fell when the quake hit. Angela was happy that there was no real injuries they had to attend to, the minor earthquake that shook the country hours ago causing the country to stop. The shanty towns that surrounded the capital still needed to be repaired but at least everyone had scraped by with minor cuts and bruises.

Angela took off her gloves, tossing it into the bin before breathing a sigh of relief. She could hear the whispers of the UN guards outside the building, a familiar voice coming through. “No, I’m fine. Relax, Tariq.”

“That looks like it’s a bad cut, Cap,” Tariq pointed out, Angela coming out of the makeshift office to see what was going on. “Hey Doc. Good timing. Check the Cap will you? She scraped her arm on something while diving to protect that kid you just treated.”

Angela nodded, tilting her head towards the office for Fareeha to follow. Fareeha punched Tariq on the arm, giving him a glare but followed her regardless. “I’m fine, Angie. Really.”

“Show me your medical degree and I’ll let you judge how ‘fine’ you really are,” Angela said, pulling out another set of gloves from the box. “Where is it?”

Fareeha sighed, pulling up her sleeve to reveal a long gash on her arm. Angela gasped ath the sight and glared at the sheepish looking soldier. “Oh Ree, what did you do?”

“Dove to protect the kid. Pretty sure I hit a nail,” Fareeha explained. “You worry too much.”

“And you, too little,” Angela said, cleaning the wound to place some fresh gauze on it. She finished the dressing and stood up, walking over to the case that held the needle she needed. “Jacket off. I need your left arm.” Fareeha looked at her suspiciously. She turned back with needle in hand. Fareeha paled. “Tetanus shot. If it was a rusty nail, like what I’ve seen around here, it’s better to be safe than sorry.”

Fareeha bit her lip, but relented, discarding her rifle on the table before taking off her jacket. Angela swabbed her left arm, intricate tattoo of an Egyptian saying glistening before she administered the shot. “See, easy. You need 3 more of those in the upcoming weeks but I’ll make sure you get them.”

Angela turned, only to be pulled back into Fareeha’s arms. “Thank you,” the soldier whispered, giving her a warm smile.

Angela placed a chaste kiss on her lips, Fareeha allowing herself to get lost in it. Angela pulled away slowly, hands still on her face as she touched their foreheads together. "Just wait for me a little longer, ok? I promise, I'm yours."

Fareeha nodded, wrapping her arms around Angela's waist, resting her head against Angela's shoulder. "I will."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 1 more to go...


	10. Tremors

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> 'Til the walls are goin’ up,  
> In smoke with all our memories

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **Chapter specific warning: character deaths. Please don't read this in a public place. Fair warning.**

Amélie shivered as a chill blew past her. She smiled into her cup, Mei busily talking at one of the shop keeps regarding a statue she wanted to buy. Her knowledge of Mandarin was limited, unlike Angela’s, but she managed to catch the words ‘father’ and ‘surprise’.

Angela…

She looked around here she stood, taking in the sights, sounds and smells of what it’s like to be in New York’s Chinatown. Across the way, there was a family of tourists, the children looking utterly miserable while the parents pointed from sign to sign.

“Sorry about that,” Mei apologized, walking ahead of her. Amélie followed quietly. “My father collects horse statues.”

“It’s alright. My father collects coins. I know how it is,” Amélie replied. Mei led them to the subway station, already busy even this early in the morning. “Is it always this busy?”

Mei snorted, nodding as she put in two tokens for them. Amélie wrinkled her nose at the smells of the Subway, making Mei laugh. “Welcome to New York. Hope you’re not having second thoughts, Amélie.”

“I’ve survived worst,” she admitted. “It’ll just take some time to get used to it.”

Mei nodded, taking a sip out of her own coffee. “Are you looking forward to your vacation with Angela?”

“Definitely,” Amélie replied, patting her phone in her pocket. “I’m flying out on the 13th to meet her in Haiti then we can come back here then go wherever she wants.”

“That’s so romantic,” Mei sighed, tilting her head to follow her out of the station. Amélie followed without word, not noticing the young woman who turned her head at the mention of Angela and Haiti.

* * *

Angela smiled, standing up as Fareeha pulled into the driveway. She had always liked Fareeha's casual taste of fashion; the jeans and t-shirt combination often coming off better on the woman than anyone else she’d met. The deep red shirt she wore, baring a very familiar logo looked expensive in contrast to the well worn jeans and the scratched aviators she sported. She laughed to herself, remembering Ana's constant complaints that resulted into a giant box full of clothes being shipped to wherever Fareeha was stationed. "Lacoste?" Angela pointed out as she got into the car, Fareeha shrugging at her.

"Mother sent it to me," Fareeha confirmed. "So, Frau Doktor, what do you want to do on this day off?"

Angela laughed at Fareeha's accent. "I was thinking the Museum. Maybe a walk around the area to talk to the people."

Fareeha smiled at her, nodding as she drove down the street towards the Museum.

Angela marvelled at the sights they passed, the cultural centre of the city being a distance away from the MSF headquarters. Aside from the traffic, the trip to the Museum was quiet. Fareeha seemed at ease with just taking in the cultural aspect of the country, telling her she learned more about the country's history in the few short hours they spent there than the 7 months she's already spent in the country.

They walked out of the Museum, sky turning darker as the storm approached. "Still wanna go meet the locals?" Fareeha asked her, giving her a smile.

"If you want to. We've done one thing I wanted, we can do something you want," Angela offered, waiting to hear the door unlock.

"I'm personally hungry," Fareeha said as they climbed back into the car. "Good thing I know the perfect place for both of us to do what we want to."

"Oh?"

Fareeha only grinned at her, driving down the same street they had used to come back from the Cathedral a couple weeks back. “Wait…We’re going to Michel’s aren’t we?” Fareeha shrugged, turning down the road. She could already smell the food cooking, making her stomach grumble. “I suppose eateries have always been central to learning about cultures.”

“You told me that, back when we were in the Congo,” Fareeha reminded her.

“You sure you want to spend the rest of the day here, not somewhere else?” Angela asked, Fareeha stopping in front of the restaurant to tuck a stray piece of hair that fell out of over her ear.

“As long as I’m with you, I’m fine. Besides,” Fareeha said, opening her door. “You’re cute when you’re being a geek.”

“HEY!”

* * *

Fareeha waved goodbye to Hana, the girl blowing her a kiss as she logged off the program. Angela was in the kitchen, making them some tea, leaving them to catch up. Hana had Skyped them shortly after they returned from Michel’s, the younger woman extremely happy they kept their promise.

She made her way through the building, passed the closed doors of the other quarters before coming into the common room. Angela had spent a great deal of their time at Michel’s talking to the cook himself, the man happily indulging the doctor with stories of their people.

Michel had been born in the Santo region of Port-Au-Prince, having lived his entire life in the city. He had lived through the Duvaliers, and all the coup-d’états the country had gone through. He was self-taught, mostly from his mother and grandfather but most of the recipes from his beloved restaurant he made himself.

Fareeha had paid attention to the conversation but, if she was honest, she would admit that she was more attentive of Angela. Angela, who hung on every word Michel said about the country’s history. Angela, who would laugh when one of the patrons would quip with the old chef and the chef would bite back just as fiercely. Angela, who would try to engage with the other patrons as well, receiving hugs and smiles from the children she had treated and thanks from their parents.

Fareeha smiled to herself, thanking whichever deity listened to her that night and made this all happen. They weren’t together yet, no, but this was promising. Especially since Angela broke to her the news that the MSF approved of her to stay on, but insisted she took a two week break. Martine would officially be the leader of the group of doctors, Angela more than ecstatic that one of her best friends would be joining her here. She briefly remembered Martine and Gerard from the gala though her mind was elsewhere that night.

“Penny for your thoughts?” Angela asked her, making her snap out of her reverie. She took the cup of tea from the doctor, giving her s shrug.

“Just thinking. I can’t believe Michel’s the youngest of 9,” she admitted, remembering the old man recount his youth. “Can you imagine that?”

Angela laughed into her cup, shaking her head. “I was an only child too, before my mother remarried,” she reminded her. “Not that I get to see my sister a lot since…you know.”

“Did she ever try to contact you?” Fareeha asked, carefully treading the subject. She knew of Angela’s circumstance, how she was pretty much banished to live with Gerard when she revealed her preferences to her very religious mother. Angela shook her head no, Fareeha opting to change the subject instead of pressing on. “You ever thought of having them? Children I mean.”

“Not naturally no,” Angela laughed, turning on the couch to lean against the arm rest. “But I have thought of them. Adopting my own when I’m done with all of this.” She gestured to their surroundings. “Maybe a couple but nothing more than that. And you?”

“I’m more about pets,” Fareeha replied, earning another laugh from the doctor. God, she wanted to hear that forever. “A dog, a cat, a couple of chickens.”

“Do you even know how to raise chickens?” Angela questioned, eyebrow raised.

“Do you?”

“I grew up on a farm,” Angela supplied, smirk on her face. “But seriously, you haven’t thought of children yourself?”

“More recently I have,” Fareeha conceded, turning away to hide her blush. “I was an only child too but if I had my own, I’d want 3 of them. All boys if I could.”

“How recent are we talking about, Fareeha?” Angela said, inching closer with a grin on her face. “Like weeks? Months? Days, maybe?”

“Shut up, Angie and just start the movie already,” Fareeha huffed out, turning to hide her blush some more.

“And if I don’t?” Angela teased, poking her on the shoulder. Fareeha finally looked back, blue eyes shimmering with mischief.

She set her cup down on the coffee table, a smirk now on her face. “Don’t start wars you can’t win, Dr. Ziegler,” poking Angela back.

Angela’s eyes went wide, pushing herself back to the other side of the couch. Fareeha’s smirk grew as Angela set her tea cup down to defend herself better. “Fareeha, don’t you dare…”

Violette could hear the sound of Angela’s laughter echo down the halls, Fareeha’s own deeper laugh coming shortly after. She smiled, ushering Andre away to their own quarters, happy that Angela’s on her way to recovering.

* * *

Gerard closed the door to Mathieu’s room, still hearing the water in the kitchen run. 2 more days he has his wife with him. He turned to the calendar in the hallway, the date, _Jan 12, 2010_ mocked him. He frowned, turning his head away as he walked quietly to the kitchen. 4 months without her. He had been through more, but it didn’t ease the pain or the anxiety.

He watched silently as Martine continued with the last of the dishes from dinner, humming along with the radio they had. He remembered meeting her, Angela introducing them as the two were in the same intro to Biology class.

4 months, he reminded himself. He could do it. “Gerard?” he heard her ask, looking at him with concern. “You okay?”

He wanted to say no. Like his gut was telling him something he couldn’t place. Instead he nodded, coming to stop in front of her to place a tender kiss on top of her head. “At least you’ll be with Angie this time around. Take care of each other, ya?”

Martine looked up, hazel eyes meeting his own emerald ones. God, how Mathieu looked so much like her. “You know we will. We’ll both be back before you now it.”

He laughed, pulling her tightly. “Guess I’m just not used to both of you being deployed together, that’s all”

“Relax, _mon chou_ ,” Martine said, pulling away from him. “Angela will be back here in 3 days. You get to see her, help her move into that flat down the road before she leaves you to join me.”

“I really just wish I could be with you guys,” Gerard said, kissing his wife again on the head. He looked behind him to see the time. “It’s only 7:30. Wanna watch a movie?”

Martine nodded, tiptoeing to kiss him on the cheek. “We’ll be fine. Go. Watch some TV for a bit while I finish up in here. I’ll be with you in a second.”

* * *

Amélie checked her bags again, mentally checking off what was inside the small suitcase. She knew this was a long shot, a very big one, but it was the only chance she had.

She sighed, accepting the fact that nothing is going to change until her flight tomorrow. The TV was going on about some celebrity gossip she didn’t really care for, but it kept the voices at bay. 24 hours, she’ll be in Haiti.

24 hours til she sees Angela again.

She picked up her glass of wine, settling herself on one of the chairs in her room. Her laptop was open to pictures of a happier time, Amélie allowing herself to get lost in the photos.

* * *

Hana grinned, waving at Satya as she rounded the corner. Elena, Lucio’s older sister, and Marissa, his younger one, enveloped her in one last hug just as Satya reached the table.

“Don’t be a stranger now, Hana,” Marissa said, grabbing her winter stuff to put on. “You’re one of us now. Mama will sick us on you if you keep that baby away.”

Elena nodded, already bundled back up for the outdoors. “You’re welcome to stay longer if you want to. We have plenty of room in our house upstate.”

Hana shook her head. “I should really head home. My mom would need to know. She loved Lucio as much as I did…She…She doesn’t know yet.” Hana admitted. “And I won’t dare stay away. Not with how you’ve accepted me so easily.”

The sisters nodded, giving Satya a warm smile as they both left. “I take that went well?” Satya asked, sitting down on the now empty chairs.

“Couldn’t have gone better. It was a tearful reunion, even more emotional Skype call but,” she looked down at the stomach. Satya notices and rested a comforting hand on her own. “I should call Angie and Fareeha tonight. They’d want an update.”

* * *

Angela stifled a yawn behind her palm, careful not to attract any attention to herself while the Major was speaking. It was the final meeting of the day, before everyone had the rest of the night off. Murmurs from the newly returned personnel told her none of them wanted to stay there any more, her eyes catching Hanzo roll his eyes while Major Reyes smirked at the gesture. Most of them had just returned back from their vacations, many of them wanting to catching up with their fellow soldiers and get back to the swing of things.

Angela let her mind drift back to before the meeting, when she hovered in the hallway, waiting for it to start. Some of Fareeha’s unit cornered her, Saleh and Tariq pretty much begged her for chocolates. Aizad hit both on the back of their heads for bugging her. The scene made everyone laugh, including Morrison, but she promised she’d bring some back.

She focused again when she heard her name, Morrison drawing attention to her that forced her to smile. Many of the personnel still looked bored, the topic now shifting to weapons and care of them that it allowed her to zone out again. She looked around the room, decorated mostly with local art. Angela took notice of the mask on the wall when she heard the announcement about the MSF.

Though it wasn’t a surprise anymore, the smile on Fareeha’s face when Morrison announced she was staying on made her heart leap. They had talked about it in length two nights ago, the movie completely forgotten in the background.

She was staying for her.

For them.

She noticed most of the others start shuffling, the meeting finally adjourning for the day. She found Fareeha already out the door, eyes studying the portfolio of new MSF personnel coming in. “Busy night tonight, Captain?” she said, catching Fareeha’s attention.

“Paperwork. Lots of it sadly,” Fareeha admitted, frown on her face.

“Do you want some company? I’ll have a stack to get through too before Martine takes over,” Angela asked, getting a nod from Fareeha. Angela smirked, “Your place or mine?”

Fareeha rolled her eyes, looking around the now empty boardroom to see if anyone else was with them before pulling her by the belt loops. “Mine,” Fareeha said playfully, devolving into laughter. “I was thinking of grabbing some dinner first.”

“Michel’s?”

The ground shook then. Angela’s eyes widening as Fareeha grabbed hold of her to run under the table. Angela shivered, Fareeha stroking the smaller woman’s back as everything continued to shake. Someone screamed outside the room.

And the world turned black.

* * *

**_A monster earthquake has struck Haiti tonight. 7 in magnitude, a vicious jolt just 15 km from the capital Port-au-Prince. The damage on the ground believed to be catastrophic. Communications were knocked out but information is trickling out…._ **

Amelie felt her world crash, the sound of the shattering wine glass not even registering in her mind.

Every channel, EVERYONE she turned to, played the exact same thing.

**_The extent of the devastation is still unclear but there are fears thousands of people may have died._ **

_Nothing yet from the ground_ , her mind told her, the only clear voice amongst the ones now screaming at her. She picked up her phone and dialed a number she knew off by heart.

“What?!” Martine’s voice sounded tense, the faint sound of the car coming through. “Not now. Not right fucking now, Amélie. I swear.”

“Do you have anything? Anything? Please…” Amélie begged.

Martine was quiet, though she could hear her breathe heavily. Martine passed the phone to Gerard, the man sighing into her ear before he spoke. “Call the office in 15 minutes. We’re on our way there. Ana called everyone in for this emergency meeting. I’ll update you with what I can.”

With that, the line went dead, Amelie collapsing on the floor, tears getting lost in the carpet as the news continued on about the devastation that hit the Haitian Capital.

**_A "large number" of UN personnel were reported missing by the organization. Many people have spent the night outside amid fears of more aftershocks.”_ **

“GET US THROUGH NOW!” Ana commanded, Gerard watching as the director paced the boardroom. Silvia yawned as she stayed on the line with the Dominican Republic’s MSF team. The initial parts were a mad scramble, Martine kissing him goodbye in the parking lot as she ran towards the awaiting van, her suitcases forgotten at home.

Emergency protocol didn’t allow for personal belongings. Not when it’s this severe.

Not when they haven’t heard from MINUSTAH.

Not when they don’t know of what happened to Angela and Fareeha.

Jasmine set a cup of coffee in front of him, giving him a pained smiled as Kimiko tried to calm down a very furious Ana.

This wasn’t happening…This can’t be happening….

 _Please_ , Gerard begged, _Please let them be safe._

**_“Witnesses reported damaged buildings throughout the capital, including the president's residence and century-old homes nearby, and The Associated Press reported that a hospital collapsed. President Rene Preval is safe, Joseph said, but there was no estimate of the dead and wounded….”_ **

**_“The extent of the devastation is still unclear but there are fears thousands of people may have died._ **

“Anything?” Hanzo called out, setting the pick down to wipe his brow. Above him, Tariq shook his head, forging on to the top of the rubble.

The quake hit as they were exiting the building, many of them ducking for cover behind the trucks they used to get here from the base. Panic had set through as residents screamed at the aftermath. Saleh was pronounced dead on the scene, a chunk of the building falling on top of him as he dove to get away. Aizad was out of commission, his foot being crushed by the same chunk.

Reyes drove the Violette and Andre back to the hospital, knowing they would do more good there and here. Morrison was still unaccounted for. Annabi too. Perez…. Da Costa…Coates.

Fareeha and Angela.

Hanzo sighed, picking up the pickaxe again to help find his colleagues.

**_The United Nations headquarters in the capital was also reported to be severely damaged and many of its staff were missing._ **

**_"The United Nations can confirm that the Headquarters of the United Nations Stabilisation Mission in Haiti (Mintusah) in Port-au-Prince has sustained serious damage along with other UN installations," Alain le Roy, the under-secretary-general for peacekeeping operations, said in a statement issued in New York._ **

**_"For the moment, a large number of personnel remain unaccounted for."_ **

Fareeha woke slowly, eyes adjusting to the dim light. Pain shot up her arm as she tried to move it, her shoulder clearly disconnected from its socket. She didn’t know how long it had been, didn’t know how they were going to get out, even if they could get out. Beside her lay Angela, still breathing but still unconscious from their initial hurried dive. She let out a sigh of relief, breathing in heavily as she grabbed hold of her shoulder.

Angela would have yelled at her for this but she didn’t have time to dwell on that. With a snarl, she pushed it back into place, groaning from the pain.

The earth shook again, instinct taking over as she dove above Angela, pulling her tightly under the table as more of the floor above collapsed around them. Fareeha let out a scream as a piece fell on her leg, rebar impaling her tibia. She coughed, the aftershock stopping as the world stood still again. She pushed herself up, the table cracking as she moved, another piece of concrete landing on top of the table, making her push against it.

She didn’t know how much longer she could hold it up. She looked around her, eyes having adjusted to the dimness of their surroundings.

The silence was deafening.

There was no light now.

No hope.

Fareeha laughed bitterly as she pushed a little bit, thanking Allah that nothing else shifted. In the distance, she heard the sound of something collapsing, making her shudder. Fareeha coughed again, checking Angela over before she noticed the blood dripping off her face. She laughed bitterly, angrily at which ever god decided on this fate.

This was it.

Fate had mocked her again.

It was always cruel. Always.

Angela stirred underneath her, eyes blinking as she slowly opened them. “Fareeha?” she whispered, coughing as she moved away. “Oh god Fareeha, you’re bleeding.”

“I’m fine,” she replied, biting down another groan as she tried to move. The rebar pinned her in place, forcing her to accept that she wasn’t going to move. “Angie...”

“You’re in pain. I can see it,” Angela said, eyes going to her leg. Realization hit Angela then, eyes widening as she looked around her. “You’re…you’re holding up the table?”

Fareeha laughed, blood coming out as she did. “I’ll always protect you. To the end.”

“Fareeha…” Angela said, hand coming up to her face. Her hands wiped the tears she finally let fall, Angela’s own streaming down her face. “Oh Fareeha...”

“I love you,” Fareeha replied, Angela wiping away her own tears. Fareeha sees Angela’s heart break before her eyes, understanding that the only thing separating them from death is her quickly failing strength, they were done for.

Angela leans up, kissing her softly. “Don't suffer anymore for my sake,” Angela said, shattering the last of Fareeha’s reserves. “I'd rather we die quickly, together, than watch you deteriorate first.”

Fareeha nodded, not trusting her words anymore. Angela leaned up again, a final kiss sealing the deal. “I love you, Fareeha.”

**Together echoes in her mind as she lets go, feeling weightless as the table collapsed onto them.**

**The quake, which struck about 15km (10 miles) south-west of Port-au-Prince, was quickly followed by two strong aftershocks of 5.9 and 5.5 magnitude.**

**The tremor hit at 1653 (2153 GMT) on Tuesday, the US Geological Survey said. Phone lines to the country failed shortly afterwards.**

**There is still no official word on casualties and the extent of the devastation is only now becoming clearer with dawn breaking.**

Amélie pushed her way through the crowd, many parting as they saw her red vest. She got word that they were found.

That they found Angela and Fareeha.

Together.

She pushed her legs to a run, stopping to see Reyes waiting for her, blocking her view. She stopped, eyes already filling with tears as he moved away, holding her up as she looked at the bodies covered by sheets on the ground.

She didn’t have to tell who was who, Fareeha having almost 10 cm on Angela. The other doctors, Martine included, were by her now, most of them knowing both women. Amélie let herself be held, sobbing uncontrollably as she watched the body of the woman she loved and the woman Angela loved get placed into the waiting truck, Fareeha’s body beside hers.

It wasn’t fair.

It just wasn’t fair.

* * *

_May 2004 – Cote D’Ivoire_

_Fareeha wipes the oil off on the towel, the jeep she was told to maintain looking better than it did before. She was pleased with her work, knowing the vehicle would help them in the long run._

_“Amari! Come with me,” Reyes said, marching past her towards the landing zone. The new medics had just arrived not to long ago, that much she knew. Nodding, she tossed the towel on the tool box, following the commander. “Your mother is MSF, is she not?”_

_“She’s the director, yes,” Fareeha admitted, frowning at the mention of her mother._

_“Good. As of today, you're to guard the new medics. Ziegler especially,” Reyes explained as they walked. Fareeha had heard of Angela Ziegler, her mother not shutting up about the woman's accomplishments whenever they talked. “Ziegler is a pediatrician. She's one of the few in the world that's a first responder for kids. Protect her with your life.”_

_“Yes, Commander,” she said, spotting the new group of medics. The oldest, a man by the name of Jakob, greets Reyes with a warm hug, Fareeha noting the small smile on the normally stoic commander. The blonde woman of the group stood out, her soft smile at the scene making her pause._

_Fareeha watched as she continued to take in her surroundings, only breaking her concentration when she notices Fareeha staring. “Amari! Come help the doctors!” Reyes called out, rolling her eyes as she blushed._

_The woman giggled as she approached, giving her a warm smile. “Allow me,” Fareeha offered, lifting the two suitcases with ease. "It's a pleasure to meet your acquaintance Dr...?"_

_“Ziegler. Angela Ziegler,” Angela said, extending her hand. “Nice to finally meet you, Lieutenant Amari. Your mother speaks highly of you.”_

_"She does? That’s a surprise since she speaks highly of you," she joked, noticing Angela look her up and down. She smirked. "And yes, it did hurt when I fell from heaven."_

_Angela stopped, giving her a look of disbelief. Fareeha frowned, thinking that the joke went unappreciated until she heard the doctor laugh. She shook her head as she walked in beside of her. “I normally get asked that question, being an “Angel” after all.”_

_Fareeha smirked, the taking into account that the doctor just made a pun with her name. "Fareeha. You can call me Fareeha."_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And here it is. Chapter 10. Again, special shout out to Hyogoko, my never ending muse for this fic and definite co-collaborator. So many ideas were tossed around for this ending, almost all of them ending with one or the other dying. By almost, there was 1 I toyed with that had both of them live, eventually settling in Spain to live and raise Hana's kid (Hana died in that version. My guild leader would not have been happy with that).


	11. Epilogue

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hana wasn't in the last chapter a lot because she had this already.

Hana stood as the seatbelt sign turned off, her mother cradling Luiz in her arms. 1 year since the incident. 1 year since she saw them, eyes already watering from the memory.

“Hana,” her mother called out, stopping her from going to the dark place in her mind. Hana nodded, grabbing their coats from the overhead compartment along with their carry-on before taking Luiz from her mother.

She was mechanical as they went through customs and baggage claim, grabbing a cab to the hotel. Luiz only fussed once, the boy, still only months old, surprisingly well behaved during the 15h flight.

The night was sleepless, jetlag keeping her awake when she should have been sleeping. She sighed, watching Luiz sleep soundly in the crib beside her.

It was bittersweet, seeing him sleep. She knew Angela would have loved him. Fareeha too.

God she missed them.

Hana bid her mother goodbye that morning, the woman knowing exactly where she was heading. Hana promised to come back soon, allowing her mother some rest before they met with Lucio’s family that same day.

She had only been to Geneva once before, shortly after they had found Fareeha's and Angela's bodies. She drained her savings account to fly there for their funerals, most of the personnel who survived the quake also in the audience for both.

Fareeha was buried with honours, her mother Ana sobbing uncontrollably as they presented her the Captain's beret. She had heard Ana left the MSF shortly after that, moving to Lucerne to be with her other daughter

Angela, on the other hand, was drew a bigger scientific crowd. Many top scientists, doctors even some first responders had come out specifically for her, Hana only noticing then how many lives the doctor actually touched. Gerard broke down during her Eulogy, muttering words of sorry and apologies to the man's grave. He had broken his promise to protect her. Broken the only wish of the father they had both grown up with. Angela's only relative in attendance was her uncle, Reinhardt. The giant of a man was the one who picked up the sobbing Gerard to hold him close, letting sob onto his suit.

They were buried together, much to Hana’s surprise. Ana and Gerard pulled some strings.

Hana snapped back to reality, the cab turning the corner to the cemetery. She thanked the cab, paying him extra as she pulled her jacket tighter around herself. With measured steps, she made her way through to Fareeha’s grave, noticing someone else there too.

She recognized the woman. Tall, strikingly beautiful even if most of her was hidden under the scarf and sunglasses.

Amélie Moreau.

Hana walked up to the grave without hesitation, grip tightening around the flowers she had bough beforehand. She placed the Lilies on Fareeha’s, local Edelweiss on Angela’s, wiping away the tears that had started to fall. “Hey Cap. Hey Doc,” she greeted, voice hitching. “Just coming to visit. Should be back tomorrow too but I wanted just some time alone with you guys.”

She felt Amélie stiffen behind her, the name still invoking such pain on the other woman. Hana continued, brushing off the snow that had gathered on the tombstone. “Luiz is bigger now. He was napping when I left. He’ll be here tomorrow. You would have loved him. He’s so well behaved, unlike how I was when I was a kid. My mom constantly tells me that.”

“He looks a lot like Lucio though, and he got his smile,” Hana said, stopping herself before she cried even more. “I miss you, Cap. You were one hell of a fighter. One hell of a Captain. I’m sure you didn’t go down without a fight.” She turned, sighing as she eyed Angela’s tomb. “And you Doc. You’ve helped me so much, even after you’ve passed. I went to school for Law, did I tell you guys that? I’m going to start at a company soon, helping with children’s cases. Was thinking of also going back to school for psychology. Not sure about that yet but you’ve definitely inspired me.”

“I should go though. Luiz is probably going to be hungry when I get back there,” Hana said, bowing to both graves. “I know you died with each other but it still hurts knowing you’re not here anymore. Both of you. And Lucio too. It still hurts.” Hana looked over to Amelie, the woman still standing silently behind her. “I think we’re all recovering. Some of us might need more time than the rest. Some of us might not recover fully from it but I know you’d want us to at least try to move on. Like you told me during our first session Doc, ‘ _t_ _he sooner you can accept the truth, no matter how painful it is, the sooner you can start recovering from it_.’” Hana said with a smile. “Guess I’ll see you tomorrow.”

She turned back, Amelie was no longer there. The sun started to peek out of the clouds, the weather finally clearing after snowing all night. Hana smiled, looking up to the sky. She knew they were watching over her.

All 3 of them.


End file.
